{"id":8619,"date":"2024-10-24T02:40:35","date_gmt":"2024-10-24T09:40:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=8619"},"modified":"2025-06-25T10:58:29","modified_gmt":"2025-06-25T17:58:29","slug":"emotional-abuse-of-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/emotional-abuse-of-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Victims of Any Age: The Link between Covert Emotional Abuse and Child Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Many images come to mind when we think of child abuse.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Some imagine:&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>A child in foster care who was abused by their biological or adoptive parent&nbsp;<\/li>\n<li>Physical or sexual abuse&nbsp;<\/li>\n<li>The numerous news stories of child molestation in an institutional setting by someone the child and family trusted \u2013 a camp counselor, a Boy Scout leader, a pastor, a teacher, a mentor, or a coach.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>And some may have personal experience with child abuse.<\/p>\n<p><strong>But how often do we identify one of the most damaging forms of child maltreatment, covert emotional abuse, as abuse?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><\/strong>It isn\u2019t usually the first thing that comes to mind.<\/p>\n<p>Yet, it\u2019s so important for people to understand that covert emotional abuse is a form of child abuse that is happening all around us, not just on the news or within the families of children within the foster care system.<\/p>\n<p>Here we will look at:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"\"><span style=\"\">Identifying Covert Emotional Child Abuse<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span style=\"\">Defining Covert Child Abuse<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span style=\"\">Examples of Covert Child Abuse<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Covert Emotional Child Abuse Is Hard To Identify<\/h2>\n<p>Our team at MEND encounters more and more people who come to realize in their adult years that the many health and psychological issues they have battled against for years, such as autoimmune disorders, depression, anxiety, and lack of self-worth, to name a few, are a result of covert emotional abuse they experienced as a child, often through the actions of their <a href=\"\/es\/how-to-spot-a-narcissistic-parent\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">narcissistic parent<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>The challenging thing with this <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/emotional-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">form of emotional abuse<\/a> is that it is so hard to identify \u2013 as compared to physical or sexual abuse, which are overt forms of abuse.<\/p>\n<p>Because it\u2019s often covert, we might not recognize it as abuse until years later, when the effects of it are firmly within us.<\/p>\n<p>Also, the typical responder or mandated reporter, such as a teacher, is not trained to identify it and might not feel compelled to report it.<\/p>\n<p>From the child\u2019s perspective, covert abuse is so subtle that they grow up believing it\u2019s normal, that perhaps all parents do these things to get their children to act a certain way, or that feeling bad is just a part of life and, if anything, it\u2019s likely happening because there must be something is wrong with themselves, or surely their parent wouldn\u2019t treat them this way.<\/p>\n<p>And the child keeps trying harder to perform perfectly in their parent\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n<p>As parents, when we are being honest, we can acknowledge that we have made mistakes in our parenting and harmed our children through the minimization, belittling, or other unhealthy behaviors discussed below.<\/p>\n<p>By educating ourselves on <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/covert-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">covert abusive behaviors<\/a>, we can learn ways to prevent unintentional harm to our children.<\/p>\n<p>That is a healthy person\u2019s response when they discover something they have said or done is detrimental.<\/p>\n<p>An abuser, however, takes much more than that to come to the point where they are willing or even believe they must change, and many never arrive at that place.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Covert Child Abuse Defined<\/h2>\n<p>An emotionally abusive parent uses various covert tactics regularly to maintain control and power over the child in their care and deny personal culpability Abuse is the way they manage their life, objectify their children, and maintain total control.<\/p>\n<p>Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior aimed to weaken the victim\u2019s emotional state by causing <strong>fear, humiliation, confusion, shame, or through insulting or denigrating the victim<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Over time <strong>the victim loses their sense of reality and believes they are the problem<\/strong>, weakening the victim while empowering the abuser.<\/p>\n<p>Covert emotional abuse is an insidious form of psychological abuse that is extremely hard to identify but potently effective.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"\">Examples of Covert Emotional Abuse<\/h3>\n<p>Take a look at these four types of behaviors that are abusive:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Belittling<\/li>\n<li>Minimization<\/li>\n<li>Undermining<\/li>\n<li>Withholding<\/li>\n<li>Overt emotional abuse<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h4 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Belittling<\/h4>\n<p>Belittling amounts to <strong>words or actions that make their target feel small, unimportant, or inferior, such as through criticisms, harmful joking at the victim\u2019s expense, or trivializing<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>This tactic often takes place in private and becomes a pattern over time.<\/p>\n<p>It can become even more powerful when done publicly, adding shame and embarrassment for the child.<\/p>\n<p>For example, when a child accidentally spills a cup of milk and their parent says, \u201cYou\u2019re such a clutz.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>One time, we might dismiss it as sarcastic joking with the child or mild irritation at the inconvenience of having to clean up the spilled milk.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand\u2026<\/p>\n<p>If that same parent makes belittling comments to the child regularly \u2013 when they spill something, drop their crayons, trip, or do anything contrary to the parent\u2019s expectation \u2013 <em>the child will begin to believe they are intrinsically flawed or worthless.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Often making comments like, \u201cYou\u2019re so dumb,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re such a clutz\u201d or \u201cWhat a crybaby\u201d successfully <strong>wears the child down, weakens their emotional state, creates insecurity within them, and devalues their self-worth<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Each of these effects leads to the child not trusting their own perspectives, which negatively interrupts their emotional development.<\/p>\n<h4 style=\"\">Minimization<\/h4>\n<p>Minimization is a classic tactic parents use, especially when they are tired. It is a form of belittling through which the victim\u2019s values are deemed unimportant and <strong>results in killing their confidence, creativity, and individuality<\/strong><strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>For example, when a child wakes up after having a nightmare and comes into their parent\u2019s room crying and the parent says, \u201cIt\u2019s just a dream, silly, go back to bed,\u201d that is minimization.<\/p>\n<p>The fear the child has been feeling has been immediately dismissed and ignored, and the child is left dealing with the fear on their own and trying not to be fearful because they have just learned fear is something they are not supposed to feel.<\/p>\n<h4 style=\"\">Undermining<\/h4>\n<p>Undermining is <strong>a sneaky way to squelch joy, effort, creativity, or ideas that could bring positive attention to the victim.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>For example, when a child makes a special gift for their dad, and mom says, \u201cOh my gosh \u2013 what is that? I can\u2019t even tell what it is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Or, perhaps the child tries to do an act of service by cleaning up the kitchen, but the mom\u2019s response instead of, \u201cThank you\u201d is, \u201cOh, great, you couldn\u2019t even do this right. So now I\u2019m going to have to do it myself.\u201d<\/p>\n<h4 style=\"\">Withholding<\/h4>\n<p><a href=\"\/es\/emotional-abuse-withholding\/\">Withholding<\/a> is <strong>a refusal to communicate, listen, or rejoice in one\u2019s good fortune. It\u2019s a refusal to express love or affirmation as a form of punishment and a way to control the victim.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>For example, when a parent says, \u201cI don\u2019t want to hug you now\u201d after a child has done something to upset the parent.<\/p>\n<p>When that parent continues to ignore the child for extended amounts of time, gives them the <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/silent-treatment-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">silent treatment<\/a>, and refuses any physical form of affection or affirmation toward the child, it is abuse.<\/p>\n<p>These are some examples of covert forms of emotional abuse.<\/p>\n<h4 style=\"\">Overt Emotional Abuse<\/h4>\n<p>There are also more overt forms of emotional abuse such as <strong>yelling, name calling, insulting, or threatening violence,<\/strong> even if the threat is never carried out.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Final Thoughts<\/h2>\n<p>Any of these covert or overt behaviors in a pattern is abuse. All are harmful in isolation even if technically not abusive.<\/p>\n<p>The more we recognize the harm that our words and actions can cause, the more likely we are to change our behavior. That said, many abusers refuse to recognize (or care) that their behavior is harmful and will choose not to change.<\/p>\n<p>If you are concerned that emotional abuse is taking place, we encourage you to take a look at <a href=\"\/es\/resources\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">the terms of covert behaviors<\/a> found on our website.<\/p>\n<p>Many therapists and other responders use this list of terms with their clients to help them see on their own behaviors they might be experiencing or performing.<\/p>\n<p>Become familiar with these terms and consider sharing them with your friends. If you do, the best way to go about it is to share with them how helpful this tool has been in your parenting, or in helping you approve communications within an important relationship you have.<\/p>\n<p>This will avoid putting them on the defense.<\/p>\n<p>These terms and definitions might give them the clarity they need to understand behaviors that are harmful to their children.<\/p>\n<p>You will also find our <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/how-to-help-abuse-victims\/\" target=\"_blank\">Healing Model of Compassion<\/a> y <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/accountability-process-for-abusers\/\" target=\"_blank\">Accountability Model of Courage<\/a> helpful as you walk alongside someone who is being harmed or who is causing harm.<\/p>\n<p><em>If you need additional information or would like to go through one of our trainings, please sign up. To find out more, click the link in our <\/em><a href=\"\/es\/resources\/\" style=\"outline: none;\"><em>recursos<\/em><\/a><em> section.<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Many images come to mind when we think of child abuse.&nbsp; Some imagine:&nbsp; A child in foster care who was abused by their biological or adoptive parent&nbsp; Physical or sexual abuse&nbsp; The numerous news stories of child molestation in an institutional setting by someone the child and family trusted \u2013 a camp counselor, a Boy [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":8629,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-page-section tve-height-update\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-out\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-in tve_empty_dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-671901b9b08629\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Many images come to mind when we think of child abuse.&nbsp;<\/p><p>Some imagine:&nbsp;<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li>A child in foster care who was abused by their biological or adoptive parent&nbsp;<\/li><li>Physical or sexual abuse&nbsp;<\/li><li>The numerous news stories of child molestation in an institutional setting by someone the child and family trusted \u2013 a camp counselor, a Boy Scout leader, a pastor, a teacher, a mentor, or a coach.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul><p>And some may have personal experience with child abuse.<\/p><p><strong>But how often do we identify one of the most damaging forms of child maltreatment, covert emotional abuse, as abuse?<\/strong><\/p><p><strong><\/strong>It isn\u2019t usually the first thing that comes to mind.<\/p><p>Yet, it\u2019s so important for people to understand that covert emotional abuse is a form of child abuse that is happening all around us, not just on the news or within the families of children within the foster care system.<\/p><p>Here we will look at:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-styled_list\" data-icon-code=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458c\" style=\"\"><ul class=\"tcb-styled-list\"><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458f\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-local-vars-root tcb-icon-display\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458a\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458d\" style=\"\">Identifying Covert Emotional Child Abuse<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca354590\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458a\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458d\" style=\"\">Defining Covert Child Abuse<\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458e\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458a\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-hand-point-right-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M512 199.652c0 23.625-20.65 43.826-44.8 43.826h-99.851c16.34 17.048 18.346 49.766-6.299 70.944 14.288 22.829 2.147 53.017-16.45 62.315C353.574 425.878 322.654 448 272 448c-2.746 0-13.276-.203-16-.195-61.971.168-76.894-31.065-123.731-38.315C120.596 407.683 112 397.599 112 385.786V214.261l.002-.001c.011-18.366 10.607-35.889 28.464-43.845 28.886-12.994 95.413-49.038 107.534-77.323 7.797-18.194 21.384-29.084 40-29.092 34.222-.014 57.752 35.098 44.119 66.908-3.583 8.359-8.312 16.67-14.153 24.918H467.2c23.45 0 44.8 20.543 44.8 43.826zM96 200v192c0 13.255-10.745 24-24 24H24c-13.255 0-24-10.745-24-24V200c0-13.255 10.745-24 24-24h48c13.255 0 24 10.745 24 24zM68 368c0-11.046-8.954-20-20-20s-20 8.954-20 20 8.954 20 20 20 20-8.954 20-20z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458d\" style=\"\">Examples of Covert Child Abuse<\/span><\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Covert Emotional Child Abuse Is Hard To Identify<\/h2><p>Our team at MEND encounters more and more people who come to realize in their adult years that the many health and psychological issues they have battled against for years, such as autoimmune disorders, depression, anxiety, and lack of self-worth, to name a few, are a result of covert emotional abuse they experienced as a child, often through the actions of their <a href=\"\/how-to-spot-a-narcissistic-parent\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">narcissistic parent<\/a>.<\/p><p>The challenging thing with this <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/emotional-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">form of emotional abuse<\/a> is that it is so hard to identify \u2013 as compared to physical or sexual abuse, which are overt forms of abuse.<\/p><p>Because it\u2019s often covert, we might not recognize it as abuse until years later, when the effects of it are firmly within us.<\/p><p>Also, the typical responder or mandated reporter, such as a teacher, is not trained to identify it and might not feel compelled to report it.<\/p><p>From the child\u2019s perspective, covert abuse is so subtle that they grow up believing it\u2019s normal, that perhaps all parents do these things to get their children to act a certain way, or that feeling bad is just a part of life and, if anything, it\u2019s likely happening because there must be something is wrong with themselves, or surely their parent wouldn\u2019t treat them this way.<\/p><p>And the child keeps trying harder to perform perfectly in their parent\u2019s eyes.<\/p><p>As parents, when we are being honest, we can acknowledge that we have made mistakes in our parenting and harmed our children through the minimization, belittling, or other unhealthy behaviors discussed below.<\/p><p>By educating ourselves on <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/covert-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">covert abusive behaviors<\/a>, we can learn ways to prevent unintentional harm to our children.<\/p><p>That is a healthy person\u2019s response when they discover something they have said or done is detrimental.<\/p><p>An abuser, however, takes much more than that to come to the point where they are willing or even believe they must change, and many never arrive at that place.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Covert Child Abuse Defined<\/h2><p>An emotionally abusive parent uses various covert tactics regularly to maintain control and power over the child in their care and deny personal culpability Abuse is the way they manage their life, objectify their children, and maintain total control.<\/p><p>Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior aimed to weaken the victim\u2019s emotional state by causing <strong>fear, humiliation, confusion, shame, or through insulting or denigrating the victim<\/strong>.<\/p><p>Over time <strong>the victim loses their sense of reality and believes they are the problem<\/strong>, weakening the victim while empowering the abuser.<\/p><p>Covert emotional abuse is an insidious form of psychological abuse that is extremely hard to identify but potently effective.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca40ac05\">Examples of Covert Emotional Abuse<\/h3><p>Take a look at these four types of behaviors that are abusive:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li>Belittling<\/li><li>Minimization<\/li><li>Undermining<\/li><li>Withholding<\/li><li>Overt emotional abuse<\/li><\/ul><h4 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca411dd7\">Belittling<\/h4><p>Belittling amounts to <strong>words or actions that make their target feel small, unimportant, or inferior, such as through criticisms, harmful joking at the victim\u2019s expense, or trivializing<\/strong>.<\/p><p>This tactic often takes place in private and becomes a pattern over time.<\/p><p>It can become even more powerful when done publicly, adding shame and embarrassment for the child.<\/p><p>For example, when a child accidentally spills a cup of milk and their parent says, \u201cYou\u2019re such a clutz.\u201d<\/p><p>One time, we might dismiss it as sarcastic joking with the child or mild irritation at the inconvenience of having to clean up the spilled milk.<\/p><p>On the other hand\u2026<\/p><p>If that same parent makes belittling comments to the child regularly \u2013 when they spill something, drop their crayons, trip, or do anything contrary to the parent\u2019s expectation \u2013 <em>the child will begin to believe they are intrinsically flawed or worthless.<\/em><\/p><p>Often making comments like, \u201cYou\u2019re so dumb,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re such a clutz\u201d or \u201cWhat a crybaby\u201d successfully <strong>wears the child down, weakens their emotional state, creates insecurity within them, and devalues their self-worth<\/strong>.<\/p><p>Each of these effects leads to the child not trusting their own perspectives, which negatively interrupts their emotional development.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrive_leads_shortcode\"><div class=\"thrive-shortcode-config\" style=\"display: none !important;\">__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__{\"id\":\"7330\"}__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__<\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h4 class=\"\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca4143aa\">Minimization<\/h4><p>Minimization is a classic tactic parents use, especially when they are tired. It is a form of belittling through which the victim\u2019s values are deemed unimportant and <strong>results in killing their confidence, creativity, and individuality<\/strong><strong>.<\/strong><\/p><p>For example, when a child wakes up after having a nightmare and comes into their parent\u2019s room crying and the parent says, \u201cIt\u2019s just a dream, silly, go back to bed,\u201d that is minimization.<\/p><p>The fear the child has been feeling has been immediately dismissed and ignored, and the child is left dealing with the fear on their own and trying not to be fearful because they have just learned fear is something they are not supposed to feel.<\/p><h4 class=\"\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca4168ed\">Undermining<\/h4><p>Undermining is <strong>a sneaky way to squelch joy, effort, creativity, or ideas that could bring positive attention to the victim.<\/strong><\/p><p>For example, when a child makes a special gift for their dad, and mom says, \u201cOh my gosh \u2013 what is that? I can\u2019t even tell what it is.\u201d<\/p><p>Or, perhaps the child tries to do an act of service by cleaning up the kitchen, but the mom\u2019s response instead of, \u201cThank you\u201d is, \u201cOh, great, you couldn\u2019t even do this right. So now I\u2019m going to have to do it myself.\u201d<\/p><h4 class=\"\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca41883b\">Withholding<\/h4><p><a href=\"\/emotional-abuse-withholding\/\">Withholding<\/a> is <strong>a refusal to communicate, listen, or rejoice in one\u2019s good fortune. It\u2019s a refusal to express love or affirmation as a form of punishment and a way to control the victim.<\/strong><\/p><p>For example, when a parent says, \u201cI don\u2019t want to hug you now\u201d after a child has done something to upset the parent.<\/p><p>When that parent continues to ignore the child for extended amounts of time, gives them the <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/silent-treatment-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">silent treatment<\/a>, and refuses any physical form of affection or affirmation toward the child, it is abuse.<\/p><p>These are some examples of covert forms of emotional abuse.<\/p><h4 class=\"\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192ca41b72c\">Overt Emotional Abuse<\/h4><p>There are also more overt forms of emotional abuse such as <strong>yelling, name calling, insulting, or threatening violence,<\/strong> even if the threat is never carried out.<\/p><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Final Thoughts<\/h2><p>Any of these covert or overt behaviors in a pattern is abuse. All are harmful in isolation even if technically not abusive.<\/p><p>The more we recognize the harm that our words and actions can cause, the more likely we are to change our behavior. That said, many abusers refuse to recognize (or care) that their behavior is harmful and will choose not to change.<\/p><p>If you are concerned that emotional abuse is taking place, we encourage you to take a look at <a href=\"\/resources\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">the terms of covert behaviors<\/a> found on our website.<\/p><p>Many therapists and other responders use this list of terms with their clients to help them see on their own behaviors they might be experiencing or performing.<\/p><p>Become familiar with these terms and consider sharing them with your friends. If you do, the best way to go about it is to share with them how helpful this tool has been in your parenting, or in helping you approve communications within an important relationship you have.<\/p><p>This will avoid putting them on the defense.<\/p><p>These terms and definitions might give them the clarity they need to understand behaviors that are harmful to their children.<\/p><p>You will also find our <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/how-to-help-abuse-victims\/\" target=\"_blank\">Healing Model of Compassion<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/accountability-process-for-abusers\/\" target=\"_blank\">Accountability Model of Courage<\/a> helpful as you walk alongside someone who is being harmed or who is causing harm.<\/p><p><em>If you need additional information or would like to go through one of our trainings, please sign up. To find out more, click the link in our <\/em><a href=\"\/resources\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\"><em>resources<\/em><\/a><em> section.<\/em><\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){[data-css=\"tve-u-671901b9b08629\"] { min-width: auto; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 15px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 14px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 30px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 7.5px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458a\"] { --tcb-local-color-icon: rgb(116,93,39); --tcb-local-color-var: rgb(116,93,39); --tve-icon-size: 20px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458c\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458a\"] > :first-child { color: rgb(116, 93, 39); --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39); }[data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458d\"] { line-height: 1.8em !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458e\"] { padding-bottom: 5px !important; padding-top: 5px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192ca35458f\"] { padding-bottom: 5px !important; padding-top: 5px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192ca354590\"] { padding-bottom: 5px !important; padding-top: 5px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192ca40ac05\"] { color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; font-size: 25px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192ca411dd7\"] { font-size: 22px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192ca4143aa\"] { color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; font-size: 22px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192ca4168ed\"] { color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; font-size: 22px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192ca41883b\"] { color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; font-size: 22px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192ca41b72c\"] { color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; font-size: 22px !important; }}","tve_user_custom_css":"","tve_globals":{"e":"1","font_cls":[]},"tcb2_ready":1,"tcb_editor_enabled":1,"tve_landing_page":"","_tve_header":"","_tve_footer":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8619","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-category-blog","post-wrapper","thrv_wrapper"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Link between Covert Emotional Abuse and Child Abuse<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Uncover the hidden impact of covert emotional abuse on children. 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