{"id":7594,"date":"2020-05-07T19:27:37","date_gmt":"2020-05-08T02:27:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=7594"},"modified":"2024-09-05T10:45:07","modified_gmt":"2024-09-05T17:45:07","slug":"counting-the-days-by-riley","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/counting-the-days-by-riley\/","title":{"rendered":"Counting the Days: A Letter From Your Victim \u2014 By Riley"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>We are proud to share the powerful testimony of a strong survivor who was sexually assaulted in a place meant to facilitate relaxation and peace, not trauma and agony. To protect her identity, she self-refers as \u201cRiley\u201d in her story below, although that is not her real name.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>In this story, you\u2019ll gain insight into:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>How her abuser\u2019s actions affected her family relationships, her sense of self, and even her ability to sleep and eat<\/li>\n<li>How she fought against the urge to believe that her assault was \u2018her fault\u2019<\/li>\n<li>How she stood up, fought for justice, and found healing<\/li>\n<li>How Double Abuse can run rampant in the life of an abuse survivor<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><em>Note: You can find more abuse survival stories like this one <\/em><a href=\"\/es\/abuse-survivor-stories\/\" style=\"outline: none;\"><em>aqu\u00ed<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s talk about it.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">I\u2019ve Had 809 Days to Think about What I\u2019d Want to Say to You in This Moment.<\/h2>\n<p>This has been tougher than anything I\u2019ve ever faced.<\/p>\n<p>It has left me feeling like my thoughts are being held hostage.<\/p>\n<p>It has challenged my strength. It has challenged my determination. It has rattled my faith.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s really hard to summarize all the ways your actions have hurt me.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s all-encompassing.<\/p>\n<p>There is not a tiny corner of my life that hasn\u2019t been affected.<\/p>\n<p>Not a day that I haven\u2019t thought about it.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s 809 days that your actions have infiltrated my thoughts.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">You Didn\u2019t Know Much About Me That Day.<\/h2>\n<p>Did you know I\u2019m a mother? A wife? A sister? A daughter? A friend? Your actions didn\u2019t just hurt <em>me<\/em> that day. They hurt everyone I love, and everyone who loves me.<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019ve had to watch me go through the darkest, saddest two years of my life.<\/p>\n<p>In many ways, they have suffered right there with me.<\/p>\n<p>I remember wishing that I had been robbed instead of assaulted.<\/p>\n<p>I wouldn\u2019t have been so afraid to report it.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>No one would wonder what I was wearing. <\/li>\n<li>No one would question if I tried to stop you. <\/li>\n<li>I wouldn\u2019t feel shame or question myself.<\/li>\n<li>It wouldn\u2019t be so personal. So painful.<\/li>\n<li>It wouldn\u2019t be so hard to share with others.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>But You <em>Did<\/em> Rob Me.<\/h2>\n<p>You robbed me of my dignity.<\/p>\n<p>You robbed me of peace of mind.<\/p>\n<p>You robbed me of my sense of safety and security. <\/p>\n<p>You robbed me of my sense of self-worth.<\/p>\n<p>You robbed me of intimacy with my husband.<\/p>\n<p>You robbed my children of their mom.<\/p>\n<p>You robbed my friends. You robbed me of sleep. You robbed me of so much time. You robbed me of the life I knew before the assault.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">The Night of the Assault, While You Were at the Police Station, I Was at MUSC.<\/h2>\n<p>They took me to this little room.<\/p>\n<p>It was fluorescent lit, and had cabinets and drawers filled with clothing in all colors and sizes.<\/p>\n<p>It soon became obvious to me that this small room had a very specific purpose.<\/p>\n<p>I had to get undressed while standing over a piece of paper.<\/p>\n<p>I had to answer so many questions, and be subjected to a very personal and intrusive exam.<\/p>\n<p>I remember the nurse placed a bin of underwear on my lap. I stared into the bin through my tears, thinking how impossible the task of choosing a pair of underwear seemed.<\/p>\n<p>I was in disbelief that I was actually living this.<\/p>\n<p>The nurse who did the rape kit exam told me that room was used every single day.<\/p>\n<p>That fact devastated me.<\/p>\n<p>Any time in the last two years when I\u2019ve felt frustrated by this long process and tempted to just give up, I would remember experiencing that room and remind myself why I\u2019m doing this.<\/p>\n<p>If my actions keep even one person from going through that, then it will have all been worth it.<\/p>\n<p>I want you to know that when you assaulted me, you left a permanent scar on my life\u2014one that can never fully be erased.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">Sure, Not Everyone Can See It From the Outside.<\/h2>\n<p>I\u2019ve gotten pretty good at hiding it\u2026But hiding out just below the surface is pain that floods my emotions with little warning.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">I am not the same woman who walked into Massage <em>Envy<\/em> that day.<\/p>\n<p>With God\u2019s help and the help of my family and friends, I am fighting every single day to get her back.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">Sexual Assault is About Power. You Took That From Me.<\/h2>\n<p>But I started to take that power back when I went to the police. When I chose to have the rape kit done. When I fought for 13 months to get the rape kit processed. When I waited over two years for justice\u2014all while fighting insurmountable statistics.<\/p>\n<p>And today\u2026in this moment, as I stand here in front of you, refusing to be silent\u2026I\u2019m taking every last bit of power back from you.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">One of the Biggest Things I Struggled With After My Assault Was the Victim-Blaming.<\/h2>\n<p>Because my story was in the news, it opened up a dialogue where people were able to comment and give their opinions.<\/p>\n<p>I made the mistake of reading all those comments.<\/p>\n<p>People were saying some of the nastiest, most insensitive things.<\/p>\n<p>Some were making jokes about it.<\/p>\n<p>I think the hardest part was reading responses from women. <\/p>\n<p>Many women who were blaming me for not fighting back.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cWhy didn\u2019t I kick him, or hit him, or scream?\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n<p>They gave their opinions on how they would\u2019ve reacted had they been in that situation.<\/p>\n<p>As a victim, I was already blaming myself.<\/p>\n<p>When others would question my story or question my response to the assault, it only fed my own shame and guilt.<\/p>\n<p>I was fortunate that the police and detectives who interviewed me were kind and understanding\u2014but there were <em>still<\/em> so many questions that made me feel like they were questioning whether I might have somehow been to blame.<\/p>\n<p>What was I wearing? What did I say to him? Why did I leave a tip? Why did I leave without telling management? Why did it take me several hours before I contacted the police?<\/p>\n<p>I had never experienced sexual assault before.<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t know that besides \u201cfight\u201d or \u201cflight,\u201d there is also \u201cfreeze.\u201d <\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">I Was Frozen in That Moment.<\/h2>\n<p>I could not even move my face to speak. <\/p>\n<p>I remember thinking: why can\u2019t I move?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s like I was screaming on the inside, but couldn\u2019t make any sound.<\/p>\n<p>I may not have been able to fight with my voice in that moment, but I fought with my voice for the next two years for justice.<\/p>\n<p>It took me a very long time to drown out all the voices and victim-blaming to be able to say, without question, that I was in NO WAY responsible for my assaulter\u2019s actions.<\/p>\n<p>I think all along in my head I knew I was not to blame, but my heart took a little longer to catch up.<\/p>\n<p>Recently, I went back and read some of the old comments on the news stories, and I didn\u2019t feel shame anymore.<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t feel guilt.<\/p>\n<p>I was able to read them confidently, knowing what really happened that day.<\/p>\n<p>I read them and recognized that these people spoke from a place of ignorance\u2014and I refuse to let their voices be part of my story.<\/p>\n<h2>Conclusion<\/h2>\n<p>If you are a sexual abuse survivor like Riley, we urge you to find help.<\/p>\n<p>Tell a trusted friend or family member.<\/p>\n<p>Seek out a therapist or tell your doctor.<\/p>\n<p>Or, if those feel daunting,<\/p>\n<p>There is a path that will move you forward where you can find peace and healing.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We are proud to share the powerful testimony of a strong survivor who was sexually assaulted in a place meant to facilitate relaxation and peace, not trauma and agony. To protect her identity, she self-refers as \u201cRiley\u201d in her story below, although that is not her real name.&nbsp; In this story, you\u2019ll gain insight into: [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":7750,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 892;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18fec05a35e\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18fec05a35f\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>We are proud to share the powerful testimony of a strong survivor who was sexually assaulted in a place meant to facilitate relaxation and peace, not trauma and agony. To protect her identity, she self-refers as \u201cRiley\u201d in her story below, although that is not her real name.&nbsp;<\/p><p>In this story, you\u2019ll gain insight into:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li>How her abuser\u2019s actions affected her family relationships, her sense of self, and even her ability to sleep and eat<\/li><li>How she fought against the urge to believe that her assault was \u2018her fault\u2019<\/li><li>How she stood up, fought for justice, and found healing<br><\/li><li>How Double Abuse can run rampant in the life of an abuse survivor<br><\/li><\/ul><p><em>Note: You can find more abuse survival stories like this one <\/em><a href=\"\/abuse-survivor-stories\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\"><em>here<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p><p>Let\u2019s talk about it.<br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 data-css=\"tve-u-19129650366\" class=\"\" style=\"\">I\u2019ve Had 809 Days to Think about What I\u2019d Want to Say to You in This Moment.<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>This has been tougher than anything I\u2019ve ever faced.<br><\/p><p>It has left me feeling like my thoughts are being held hostage.<br><\/p><p>It has challenged my strength. It has challenged my determination. It has rattled my faith.<br><\/p><p>It\u2019s really hard to summarize all the ways your actions have hurt me.<br><\/p><p>It\u2019s all-encompassing.<\/p><p>There is not a tiny corner of my life that hasn\u2019t been affected.<\/p><p>Not a day that I haven\u2019t thought about it.<br><\/p><p>That\u2019s 809 days that your actions have infiltrated my thoughts.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19129652177\" style=\"\">You Didn\u2019t Know Much About Me That Day.<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Did you know I\u2019m a mother? A wife? A sister? A daughter? A friend? Your actions didn\u2019t just hurt <em>me<\/em> that day. They hurt everyone I love, and everyone who loves me.<\/p><p>They\u2019ve had to watch me go through the darkest, saddest two years of my life.<\/p><p>In many ways, they have suffered right there with me.<\/p><p>I remember wishing that I had been robbed instead of assaulted.<\/p><p>I wouldn\u2019t have been so afraid to report it.<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li>No one would wonder what I was wearing. <br><\/li><li>No one would question if I tried to stop you. <br><\/li><li>I wouldn\u2019t feel shame or question myself.<br><\/li><li>It wouldn\u2019t be so personal. So painful.<br><\/li><li>It wouldn\u2019t be so hard to share with others.<\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18fec05a35c\">But You <em>Did<\/em> Rob Me.<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>You robbed me of my dignity.<br><\/p><p>You robbed me of peace of mind.<br><\/p><p>You robbed me of my sense of safety and security. <br><\/p><p>You robbed me of my sense of self-worth.<br><\/p><p>You robbed me of intimacy with my husband.<\/p><p>You robbed my children of their mom.<br><\/p><p>You robbed my friends. You robbed me of sleep. You robbed me of so much time. You robbed me of the life I knew before the assault.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ff3e89f0c\" style=\"\">The Night of the Assault, While You Were at the Police Station, I Was at MUSC.<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>They took me to this little room.<\/p><p>It was fluorescent lit, and had cabinets and drawers filled with clothing in all colors and sizes.<\/p><p>It soon became obvious to me that this small room had a very specific purpose.<br><\/p><p>I had to get undressed while standing over a piece of paper.<\/p><p>I had to answer so many questions, and be subjected to a very personal and intrusive exam.<br><\/p><p>I remember the nurse placed a bin of underwear on my lap. I stared into the bin through my tears, thinking how impossible the task of choosing a pair of underwear seemed.<\/p><p>I was in disbelief that I was actually living this.<br><\/p><p>The nurse who did the rape kit exam told me that room was used every single day.<\/p><p>That fact devastated me.<\/p><p>Any time in the last two years when I\u2019ve felt frustrated by this long process and tempted to just give up, I would remember experiencing that room and remind myself why I\u2019m doing this.<\/p><p>If my actions keep even one person from going through that, then it will have all been worth it.<\/p><p>I want you to know that when you assaulted me, you left a permanent scar on my life\u2014one that can never fully be erased.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ff3e90b87\" style=\"\">Sure, Not Everyone Can See It From the Outside.<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>I\u2019ve gotten pretty good at hiding it\u2026But hiding out just below the surface is pain that floods my emotions with little warning.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18ff3e3b328\" style=\"\">I am not the same woman who walked into Massage <em>Envy<\/em> that day.<\/p><p>With God\u2019s help and the help of my family and friends, I am fighting every single day to get her back.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ff3e921fe\" style=\"\">Sexual Assault is About Power. You Took That From Me.<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>But I started to take that power back when I went to the police. When I chose to have the rape kit done. When I fought for 13 months to get the rape kit processed. When I waited over two years for justice\u2014all while fighting insurmountable statistics.<\/p><p>And today\u2026in this moment, as I stand here in front of you, refusing to be silent\u2026I\u2019m taking every last bit of power back from you.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ff3e9333c\" style=\"\">One of the Biggest Things I Struggled With After My Assault Was the Victim-Blaming.<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Because my story was in the news, it opened up a dialogue where people were able to comment and give their opinions.<br><\/p><p>I made the mistake of reading all those comments.<\/p><p>People were saying some of the nastiest, most insensitive things.<\/p><p>Some were making jokes about it.<\/p><p>I think the hardest part was reading responses from women. <br><\/p><p>Many women who were blaming me for not fighting back.<br><\/p><p><em>\u201cWhy didn\u2019t I kick him, or hit him, or scream?\u201d <\/em><br><\/p><p>They gave their opinions on how they would\u2019ve reacted had they been in that situation.<\/p><p>As a victim, I was already blaming myself.<\/p><p>When others would question my story or question my response to the assault, it only fed my own shame and guilt.<\/p><p>I was fortunate that the police and detectives who interviewed me were kind and understanding\u2014but there were <em>still<\/em> so many questions that made me feel like they were questioning whether I might have somehow been to blame.<\/p><p>What was I wearing? What did I say to him? Why did I leave a tip? Why did I leave without telling management? Why did it take me several hours before I contacted the police?<\/p><p>I had never experienced sexual assault before.<\/p><p>I didn\u2019t know that besides \u201cfight\u201d or \u201cflight,\u201d there is also \u201cfreeze.\u201d <br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ff3e9561d\" style=\"\">I Was Frozen in That Moment.<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>I could not even move my face to speak. <br><\/p><p>I remember thinking: why can\u2019t I move?<br><\/p><p>It\u2019s like I was screaming on the inside, but couldn\u2019t make any sound.<\/p><p>I may not have been able to fight with my voice in that moment, but I fought with my voice for the next two years for justice.<\/p><p>It took me a very long time to drown out all the voices and victim-blaming to be able to say, without question, that I was in NO WAY responsible for my assaulter\u2019s actions.<\/p><p>I think all along in my head I knew I was not to blame, but my heart took a little longer to catch up.<\/p><p>Recently, I went back and read some of the old comments on the news stories, and I didn\u2019t feel shame anymore.<\/p><p>I didn\u2019t feel guilt.<\/p><p>I was able to read them confidently, knowing what really happened that day.<\/p><p>I read them and recognized that these people spoke from a place of ignorance\u2014and I refuse to let their voices be part of my story.<br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18fec05a35c\">Conclusion<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>If you are a sexual abuse survivor like Riley, we urge you to find help.<\/p><p>Tell a trusted friend or family member.<br><\/p><p>Seek out a therapist or tell your doctor.<\/p><p>Or, if those feel daunting,<\/p><p>There is a path that will move you forward where you can find peace and healing.<br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrive_leads_shortcode\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191c33d3683\"><div class=\"thrive-shortcode-config\" style=\"display: none !important;\">__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__{\"id\":\"6557\"}__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 15px); 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