{"id":6683,"date":"2023-02-14T22:48:00","date_gmt":"2023-02-15T06:48:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=6683"},"modified":"2024-11-12T00:00:13","modified_gmt":"2024-11-12T08:00:13","slug":"belittling-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/belittling-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"When &#8216;Belittling&#8217; Crosses the Line into Emotional Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Belittling within an abusive relationship happens slowly over time. If it happened outright and upfront, the victim would be more likely to confront it and set a strong boundary against it. But when it\u2019s subtle, the victim might shrug it off at first, then become unsure or confused, and, eventually, may even believe they deserve the belittlement.<\/p>\n<p>In this blog post, you\u2019re going to learn:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What \u2018belittling\u2019 is<\/li>\n<li>Why it\u2019s a form of covert emotional abuse<\/li>\n<li>How belittling can lead to Double Abuse for victims<\/li>\n<li>How to help victims of abuse by listening and providing a safe space<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Let\u2019s talk about it. <\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important;\">When does \u2018Belittling\u2019 Become \u2018Abuse?\u2019<\/h2>\n<p>Belittling is a form of <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/covert-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">covert abuse<\/a> in which the abuser intentionally makes their target feel worthless, dismissed, or as if they mean nothing. It is a very destructive form of psychological abuse that leaves the victim feeling empty and void of personal meaning or identity.<\/p>\n<p>In an abusive relationship, the one causing harm is regularly dismissing, ignoring, or downplaying the victim\u2019s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. The harm doesn\u2019t happen only once, as if it\u2019s a one-off incident the victim could dismiss. The key thing to understand here is that abuse happens as a pattern and is regularly repeated over time.<\/p>\n<p>Look:<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">Abusive Belittling<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">&nbsp;<\/span>is <em>the intentional act of making the victim\u2019s perspective seem small or inconsequential, labeling what the victim values as unimportant, ultimately making the victim feel worthless, dismissed, and insecure.<\/em> This doesn\u2019t happen with one incident, but subtly over time with consistent belittling, it becomes a successful tactic of abusive control.<\/p>\n<p>For example, the abuser may excessively criticize their partner to embarrass them, so they\u2019ll feel shame and be less likely to speak up. Or, they\u2019ll make them feel small and unseen by the abuser and others by dismissing the victim\u2019s opinions or ideas.<\/p>\n<p>When and if the victim responds by telling the abuser they are being overly critical or rude, the abuser will deflect and place the blame on the victim by telling them, \u201cI\u2019m not being critical, you\u2019re being over-sensitive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">&#8220;Hmm\u2026that might be right. Maybe they aren\u2019t being critical and I am being too sensitive.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>But you\u2019re not being too sensitive. It is about them and their need to devalue you so they can maintain power and control.<\/p>\n<p>When belittling occurs within our primary relationships, it is a form of <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/emotional-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\" rel=\"noopener\">emotional abuse<\/a> and requires intentional effort to <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/healing-from-emotional-abuse\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">begin a healing process.<\/a><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important;\">The Deeper Harm of Belittling Victims of Abuse<\/h2>\n<p>While belittling is a tactic used by an abuser to gain power or control, it is also a common form of Double Abuse\u00ae that a responder can knowingly or unknowingly engage in.<\/p>\n<p>Note:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDouble Abuse\u201d is a term The MEND Project created to define the harm caused when the person who is listening to the victim\u2019s disclosure about the harm they have experienced in their relationship responds by dismissing, shunning, silencing, judging the victim, disbelieving them, belittling or perhaps wholly disregarding the victim\u2019s story of abuse.<\/p>\n<p>For example, the responder may say, \u201cDon\u2019t you think you\u2019re overreacting? I\u2019m sure they were just in a bad mood.\u201d Or, \u201cThey\u2019ve always been so encouraging, that doesn\u2019t sound like something they would do\u201d. What about, \u201cWell, you had critical parents don\u2019t you think you\u2019re projecting on your spouse?\u201d Perhaps they say, \u201cAll marriages have issues; you\u2019ll be fine.\u201d When the person they are responding to is in an abusive relationship, their reactions are Double Abuse and cause increased trauma and anxiety to the victim.<\/p>\n<p>Learn more about <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/double-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\" rel=\"noopener\">Double Abuse<\/a> here.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important;\">Properly Responding to Disclosures of Abuse<\/h2>\n<p>First and foremost, please know it\u2019s okay to feel sad or uncomfortable about abuse.<\/p>\n<p>It is so <em>confusing and devastating<\/em> to know that people you love or care about are going through so much pain in their relationships.<\/p>\n<p>But don\u2019t avoid responding well due to your discomfort with the topic, because responses coming out of this discomfort are sure to cause harm.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">The first step<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">&nbsp;<\/span>in responding well to a victim who is disclosing their story of abuse is <em>to simply listen with a closed mouth.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>And if that\u2019s all you do repeatedly, you are providing a much-needed safe place for a victim to process all they are experiencing.<\/p>\n<p>Don\u2019t feel like you MUST say something. Simply listen with a show of empathy.<\/p>\n<p>If you would like to say something, you can say, <em>\u201cI am so sorry this happened.\u201d<\/em>&nbsp; These words communicate compassion and show that you believe them.<\/p>\n<p>Allow them to share their whole story. Even if you would never have thought that their partner (a person you might even know) is capable of abuse, choose to believe it to be true and continue to listen. <\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s important to remember that you\u2019re not being asked to investigate or resolve the issue. You\u2019re only being asked to hear and love them through compassionate responses because they are hurting so deeply.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">Educate, Share, and Help More<\/h2>\n<p>By becoming more knowledgeable about covert emotional abuse and healthy ways for responding, you can feel more comfortable responding to victims in your care.<\/p>\n<p>The MEND Project has developed a tool called <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/how-to-help-abuse-victims\/\" style=\"outline: none;\"><em>The Healing Model of Compassion<\/em><\/a>, which walks you through simple-to-understand steps for responding to abuse (you can find it here.)<\/p>\n<p>Finally, take a look at some of the resources we have to help you in your journey as you learn more about abuse and about healthy responses to those who have been harmed.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Belittling within an abusive relationship happens slowly over time. If it happened outright and upfront, the victim would be more likely to confront it and set a strong boundary against it. But when it\u2019s subtle, the victim might shrug it off at first, then become unsure or confused, and, eventually, may even believe they deserve [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":9937,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Belittling within an abusive relationship happens slowly over time. If it happened outright and upfront, the victim would be more likely to confront it and set a strong boundary against it. But when it\u2019s subtle, the victim might shrug it off at first, then become unsure or confused, and, eventually, may even believe they deserve the belittlement.<\/p><p>In this blog post, you\u2019re going to learn:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li>What \u2018belittling\u2019 is<\/li><li>Why it\u2019s a form of covert emotional abuse<\/li><li>How belittling can lead to Double Abuse for victims<\/li><li>How to help victims of abuse by listening and providing a safe space<\/li><\/ul><p>Let\u2019s talk about it. <br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f527574\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important;\">When does \u2018Belittling\u2019 Become \u2018Abuse?\u2019<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Belittling is a form of <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/covert-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">covert abuse<\/a> in which the abuser intentionally makes their target feel worthless, dismissed, or as if they mean nothing. It is a very destructive form of psychological abuse that leaves the victim feeling empty and void of personal meaning or identity.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>In an abusive relationship, the one causing harm is regularly dismissing, ignoring, or downplaying the victim\u2019s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. The harm doesn\u2019t happen only once, as if it\u2019s a one-off incident the victim could dismiss. The key thing to understand here is that abuse happens as a pattern and is regularly repeated over time.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Look:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f52a51b\">Abusive Belittling<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-191486befcd\">&nbsp;<\/span>is <em>the intentional act of making the victim\u2019s perspective seem small or inconsequential, labeling what the victim values as unimportant, ultimately making the victim feel worthless, dismissed, and insecure.<\/em> This doesn\u2019t happen with one incident, but subtly over time with consistent belittling, it becomes a successful tactic of abusive control.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>For example, the abuser may excessively criticize their partner to embarrass them, so they\u2019ll feel shame and be less likely to speak up. Or, they\u2019ll make them feel small and unseen by the abuser and others by dismissing the victim\u2019s opinions or ideas.<br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>When and if the victim responds by telling the abuser they are being overly critical or rude, the abuser will deflect and place the blame on the victim by telling them, \u201cI\u2019m not being critical, you\u2019re being over-sensitive.\u201d<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-19071a413f2\" style=\"\">\"Hmm\u2026that might be right. Maybe they aren\u2019t being critical and I am being too sensitive.\"<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>But you\u2019re not being too sensitive. It is about them and their need to devalue you so they can maintain power and control.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrive_leads_shortcode\"><div class=\"thrive-shortcode-config\" style=\"display: none !important;\">__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__{\"id\":\"6557\"}__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__<\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>When belittling occurs within our primary relationships, it is a form of <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/emotional-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">emotional abuse<\/a> and requires intentional effort to <a class=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/healing-from-emotional-abuse\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">begin a healing process.<\/a><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-190717da1fa\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important;\">The Deeper Harm of Belittling Victims of Abuse<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>While belittling is a tactic used by an abuser to gain power or control, it is also a common form of Double Abuse\u00ae that a responder can knowingly or unknowingly engage in.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Note:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>\u201cDouble Abuse\u201d is a term The MEND Project created to define the harm caused when the person who is listening to the victim\u2019s disclosure about the harm they have experienced in their relationship responds by dismissing, shunning, silencing, judging the victim, disbelieving them, belittling or perhaps wholly disregarding the victim\u2019s story of abuse.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>For example, the responder may say, \u201cDon\u2019t you think you\u2019re overreacting? I\u2019m sure they were just in a bad mood.\u201d Or, \u201cThey\u2019ve always been so encouraging, that doesn\u2019t sound like something they would do\u201d. What about, \u201cWell, you had critical parents don\u2019t you think you\u2019re projecting on your spouse?\u201d Perhaps they say, \u201cAll marriages have issues; you\u2019ll be fine.\u201d When the person they are responding to is in an abusive relationship, their reactions are Double Abuse and cause increased trauma and anxiety to the victim.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Learn more about <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/double-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">Double Abuse<\/a> here.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-65cdb15c35d828\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important;\">Properly Responding to Disclosures of Abuse<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>First and foremost, please know it\u2019s okay to feel sad or uncomfortable about abuse.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>It is so <em>confusing and devastating<\/em> to know that people you love or care about are going through so much pain in their relationships.<br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>But don\u2019t avoid responding well due to your discomfort with the topic, because responses coming out of this discomfort are sure to cause harm.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p><strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f52eb4f\">The first step<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1931c592319\">&nbsp;<\/span>in responding well to a victim who is disclosing their story of abuse is <em>to simply listen with a closed mouth.<\/em><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>And if that\u2019s all you do repeatedly, you are providing a much-needed safe place for a victim to process all they are experiencing.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Don\u2019t feel like you MUST say something. Simply listen with a show of empathy.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>If you would like to say something, you can say, <em>\u201cI am so sorry this happened.\u201d<\/em>&nbsp; These words communicate compassion and show that you believe them.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Allow them to share their whole story. Even if you would never have thought that their partner (a person you might even know) is capable of abuse, choose to believe it to be true and continue to listen. <br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>It\u2019s important to remember that you\u2019re not being asked to investigate or resolve the issue. You\u2019re only being asked to hear and love them through compassionate responses because they are hurting so deeply.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f5311d6\" style=\"\">Educate, Share, and Help More<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>By becoming more knowledgeable about covert emotional abuse and healthy ways for responding, you can feel more comfortable responding to victims in your care.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>The MEND Project has developed a tool called <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/how-to-help-abuse-victims\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\"><em>The Healing Model of Compassion<\/em><\/a>, which walks you through simple-to-understand steps for responding to abuse (you can find it here.)<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Finally, take a look at some of the resources we have to help you in your journey as you learn more about abuse and about healthy responses to those who have been harmed.<\/p><\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-65cdb15c35d828\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; 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