{"id":6453,"date":"2021-10-19T18:29:00","date_gmt":"2021-10-20T01:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=6453"},"modified":"2024-08-26T13:31:08","modified_gmt":"2024-08-26T20:31:08","slug":"why-dont-you-believe-me-phillips-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/why-dont-you-believe-me-phillips-story\/","title":{"rendered":"My Therapist Doesn&#8217;t Believe Me: Phillip&#8217;s Story"},"content":{"rendered":"<p dir=\"ltr\">Phillip, a <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/male-survivor-stories\/\">male survivor of abuse<\/a>, spent years trying to figure out why he felt like a slave. \u201cIt must be due to my childhood. That\u2019s why I struggle so,\u201d is what he thought. He saw a therapist and tried to get help\u2014only to realize the shocking truth, and to experience <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/double-abuse\/\">Double Abuse<\/a> from his time in therapy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">In this abuse survivor story, you\u2019ll learn:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">How abuse can be confusing and complicated<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">How Double Abuse can occur when abuse victims try to seek help<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">How difficult it can be for victims to identify abuse when their therapist doesn\u2019t believe them<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">How there is hope, healing, and light at the end of the tunnel for abuse victims<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Let\u2019s get into Phillip\u2019s story.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\n<h2 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Loss and Realization<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My father passed away suddenly from Covid, and I felt like something had ruined my relationship with him.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My wife and I started to discuss how my family was narcissistic and how that was the problem.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">At one point I was convinced that my mother was a bad person. My wife said to me in bed, \u201cI never felt so in love with you or so close to you as when you finally admitted your mom was a bad person.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was stupid enough to think this might finally make my wife happy, but smart enough to see a psychologist who specialized in narcissistic abuse and trauma therapy.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I spent a few months explaining to my therapist all the issues with my family of origin and my childhood.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I probably sounded like the narcissist, but I think she recognized the signs of PTSD and hopefully some empathy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I never said one bad thing about my wife. I thought she was the only stable person in my life and my voice of reason through all the conflict.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Unveiling the Abuse<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I also told my therapist that I felt like a slave.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I wasn\u2019t sure why and thought it had to do with money or lack of time.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My therapist and I started to look at things like black and white thinking, and where my shame was coming from. And one day it hit me like a ton of bricks.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Realization About My Marriage<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">First, I started to come to terms with something I knew from the beginning.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My wife is extremely condescending and she can\u2019t control her emotions.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Her favorite moves are eye rolls, death stares, and huffing and puffing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">It\u2019s hard to explain, but they are so dramatic that it sends an immediate message of \u201cYou\u2019re a piece of crap and I am so much better than you.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">It is not socially acceptable and we created a whole reality to justify her behavior.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I became isolated from friends and family just trying to make my marriage work.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">The Beach Trip and Further Realizations<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Next, I discussed an upcoming beach trip with my therapist and explained how I was nervous about it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I said, \u201cI don\u2019t do well on vacations. We got into a bad fight last year and I said something mean to my wife.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My therapist probed a little and I showed some serious signs of shame.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I started to think about that fight and a couple of others. I started to remember more.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">These were not normal arguments between a husband and a wife.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My wife will go into a psychotic rage.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">She would punch me, choke me, scream in my face, throw dangerous things at me, and beg me to hit her.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The next morning she would say, \u201cDo you remember what you did last night?\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I somehow internalized the trauma and believed it was my fault.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My wife knows all about my life and my weaknesses.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My father had an anger issue and I saw him hit my mom as a child.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I didn\u2019t ever want to be like that.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My wife would abuse me and then make me believe that I was being abusive like my father.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I never hit or touched my wife, no matter how hard she tried to get me to.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I went through that upcoming beach trip, and this time I did not engage with my wife.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I couldn\u2019t even look at her, because one condescending glare could put me down.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I really started to pay attention to how mean she was to me and how much she affected my mental health.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was ready to come forward.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I told my wife how I felt and said I was going to talk to my therapist about it on Tuesday.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">On Sunday, we had an argument where she recorded me on her phone.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Obviously, she was semi-behaved, but I realized I could not relate to her and I felt like she was out to get me.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This was the first time in 10 years that I was holding her accountable for her behavior.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">The Breakdown<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">On Monday, I woke up and tried to work from my home office. By 8:10 a.m., I had a full-on nervous breakdown.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I called out of work for the week.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I needed to get away from my wife.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was terrified about coming forward and needed to do it from a safe place.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I couldn\u2019t drive so I called my mom and sister to come get me. My two kids wanted to come to grandma\u2019s with me, but my wife and her father threatened to call the cops.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My wife also called my therapist and left a message where she cried and said I was trying to take the kids from her.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My sister and mother believed me. They knew my wife didn\u2019t treat people kindly.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My sister even saw my wife when she started to enter into one of her rages a couple of weeks earlier. I stopped it before she got violent, but just seeing the onset was enough for my sister to realize what my wife was capable of.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Seeking Understanding in Therapy<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Tuesday came and I was ready to talk to my therapist, but my nervous breakdown was in full swing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was a mess.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I told my therapist that my wife had been gaslighting me the whole time.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">All of the conflicts in my life had another, more simple explanation.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I told her about the physical and emotional abuse.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I told her about my wife\u2019s condescending attitude.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I told her the whole reason I was in therapy was so my wife could prove that my family and I were bad people.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I told her how my wife tries to make me believe that I am abusive just like my dad was.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My therapist didn\u2019t believe me. I think she thought that I was crazy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">She basically told me to calm down and see how it goes.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">She recommended a book on a type of marriage therapy called Imago.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The next book was on Adult Children of Alcoholics, which made me look deeper into my childhood issues.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was so hurt, but I tried it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I just wanted to find an answer as to why I felt like a slave.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">As time went on, the gaslighting started again and I spotted it immediately.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was upset with my therapist. The principles of Imago therapy are how I got into this mess.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I told my therapist, \u201cI did such a good job at validating my wife\u2019s reality that it almost destroyed me.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">And my wife justifies her behavior using the information from Adult Children of Alcoholics.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\u201cYou come from a dysfunctional family and don\u2019t know how to deal with angry people,\u201d she would say.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I talked to my therapist about this but at this point, I think she just doesn\u2019t like me anymore.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Towards Separation<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Currently, my wife and I are starting our separation.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I am going to talk to my therapist and reference what I learned from The Mend Project.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If that doesn\u2019t go well, I will have to find someone else who believes me.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Reflection and MEND&#8217;s Mission<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">What Phillip experienced is all too common. There are many reasons those responding to victims like Phillip struggle with how to respond in a healthy and compassionate way.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">So often, they fail to react well and their responses cause further harm, creating significant anxiety, self-doubt, and increased trauma in the victim.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">During our training courses, MEND educates about all types of psychological abuse and also helps to uncover those biases we hold (often unconsciously) that cause us to harm others through how we respond.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Our training also validates survivors and gives them clarity about their own abuse and trauma.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Please join us by learning more through attending one of our trainings and help us put an end to Double Abuse.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Phillip, a male survivor of abuse, spent years trying to figure out why he felt like a slave. \u201cIt must be due to my childhood. That\u2019s why I struggle so,\u201d is what he thought. He saw a therapist and tried to get help\u2014only to realize the shocking truth, and to experience Double Abuse from his [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":6454,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Phillip, a <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/male-survivor-stories\/\">male survivor of abuse<\/a>, spent years trying to figure out why he felt like a slave. \u201cIt must be due to my childhood. That\u2019s why I struggle so,\u201d is what he thought. He saw a therapist and tried to get help\u2014only to realize the shocking truth, and to experience <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/double-abuse\/\">Double Abuse<\/a> from his time in therapy.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">In this abuse survivor story, you\u2019ll learn:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc33f27\"><ul class=\"\"><li data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34005\" dir=\"ltr\">How abuse can be confusing and complicated<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34005\" dir=\"ltr\">How Double Abuse can occur when abuse victims try to seek help<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34005\" dir=\"ltr\">How difficult it can be for victims to identify abuse when their therapist doesn\u2019t believe them<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34005\" dir=\"ltr\">How there is hope, healing, and light at the end of the tunnel for abuse victims<\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18bc96f25de\" style=\"\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Let\u2019s get into Phillip\u2019s story.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Loss and Realization<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34051\"><p dir=\"ltr\">My father passed away suddenly from Covid, and I felt like something had ruined my relationship with him.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My wife and I started to discuss how my family was narcissistic and how that was the problem.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">At one point I was convinced that my mother was a bad person. My wife said to me in bed, \u201cI never felt so in love with you or so close to you as when you finally admitted your mom was a bad person.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was stupid enough to think this might finally make my wife happy, but smart enough to see a psychologist who specialized in narcissistic abuse and trauma therapy.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I spent a few months explaining to my therapist all the issues with my family of origin and my childhood.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I probably sounded like the narcissist, but I think she recognized the signs of PTSD and hopefully some empathy.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I never said one bad thing about my wife. I thought she was the only stable person in my life and my voice of reason through all the conflict.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Unveiling the Abuse<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34051\"><p dir=\"ltr\">I also told my therapist that I felt like a slave.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I wasn\u2019t sure why and thought it had to do with money or lack of time.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My therapist and I started to look at things like black and white thinking, and where my shame was coming from. And one day it hit me like a ton of bricks.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Realization About My Marriage<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34051\"><p dir=\"ltr\">First, I started to come to terms with something I knew from the beginning.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My wife is extremely condescending and she can\u2019t control her emotions.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Her favorite moves are eye rolls, death stares, and huffing and puffing.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">It\u2019s hard to explain, but they are so dramatic that it sends an immediate message of \u201cYou\u2019re a piece of crap and I am so much better than you.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">It is not socially acceptable and we created a whole reality to justify her behavior.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I became isolated from friends and family just trying to make my marriage work.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">The Beach Trip and Further Realizations<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34051\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Next, I discussed an upcoming beach trip with my therapist and explained how I was nervous about it.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I said, \u201cI don\u2019t do well on vacations. We got into a bad fight last year and I said something mean to my wife.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My therapist probed a little and I showed some serious signs of shame.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I started to think about that fight and a couple of others. I started to remember more.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">These were not normal arguments between a husband and a wife.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My wife will go into a psychotic rage.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">She would punch me, choke me, scream in my face, throw dangerous things at me, and beg me to hit her.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The next morning she would say, \u201cDo you remember what you did last night?\u201d&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I somehow internalized the trauma and believed it was my fault.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My wife knows all about my life and my weaknesses.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My father had an anger issue and I saw him hit my mom as a child.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I didn\u2019t ever want to be like that.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My wife would abuse me and then make me believe that I was being abusive like my father.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I never hit or touched my wife, no matter how hard she tried to get me to.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I went through that upcoming beach trip, and this time I did not engage with my wife.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I couldn\u2019t even look at her, because one condescending glare could put me down.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I really started to pay attention to how mean she was to me and how much she affected my mental health.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was ready to come forward.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I told my wife how I felt and said I was going to talk to my therapist about it on Tuesday.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">On Sunday, we had an argument where she recorded me on her phone.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Obviously, she was semi-behaved, but I realized I could not relate to her and I felt like she was out to get me.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This was the first time in 10 years that I was holding her accountable for her behavior.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">The Breakdown<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34051\"><p dir=\"ltr\">On Monday, I woke up and tried to work from my home office. By 8:10 a.m., I had a full-on nervous breakdown.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I called out of work for the week.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I needed to get away from my wife.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was terrified about coming forward and needed to do it from a safe place.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I couldn\u2019t drive so I called my mom and sister to come get me. My two kids wanted to come to grandma\u2019s with me, but my wife and her father threatened to call the cops.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My wife also called my therapist and left a message where she cried and said I was trying to take the kids from her.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My sister and mother believed me. They knew my wife didn\u2019t treat people kindly.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My sister even saw my wife when she started to enter into one of her rages a couple of weeks earlier. I stopped it before she got violent, but just seeing the onset was enough for my sister to realize what my wife was capable of.&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Seeking Understanding in Therapy<\/h2><p><br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34051\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Tuesday came and I was ready to talk to my therapist, but my nervous breakdown was in full swing.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was a mess.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I told my therapist that my wife had been gaslighting me the whole time.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">All of the conflicts in my life had another, more simple explanation.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I told her about the physical and emotional abuse.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I told her about my wife\u2019s condescending attitude.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I told her the whole reason I was in therapy was so my wife could prove that my family and I were bad people.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I told her how my wife tries to make me believe that I am abusive just like my dad was.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My therapist didn\u2019t believe me. I think she thought that I was crazy.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">She basically told me to calm down and see how it goes.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">She recommended a book on a type of marriage therapy called Imago.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The next book was on Adult Children of Alcoholics, which made me look deeper into my childhood issues.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was so hurt, but I tried it.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I just wanted to find an answer as to why I felt like a slave.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">As time went on, the gaslighting started again and I spotted it immediately.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was upset with my therapist. The principles of Imago therapy are how I got into this mess.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I told my therapist, \u201cI did such a good job at validating my wife\u2019s reality that it almost destroyed me.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">And my wife justifies her behavior using the information from Adult Children of Alcoholics.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">\u201cYou come from a dysfunctional family and don\u2019t know how to deal with angry people,\u201d she would say.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I talked to my therapist about this but at this point, I think she just doesn\u2019t like me anymore.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Towards Separation<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc340b3\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Currently, my wife and I are starting our separation.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I am going to talk to my therapist and reference what I learned from The Mend Project.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">If that doesn\u2019t go well, I will have to find someone else who believes me.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><br><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Reflection and MEND's Mission<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34051\"><p dir=\"ltr\">What Phillip experienced is all too common. There are many reasons those responding to victims like Phillip struggle with how to respond in a healthy and compassionate way.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">So often, they fail to react well and their responses cause further harm, creating significant anxiety, self-doubt, and increased trauma in the victim.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">During our training courses, MEND educates about all types of psychological abuse and also helps to uncover those biases we hold (often unconsciously) that cause us to harm others through how we respond.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Our training also validates survivors and gives them clarity about their own abuse and trauma.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Please join us by learning more through attending one of our trainings and help us put an end to Double Abuse.<\/p><\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){[data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34051\"] { margin-bottom: 10px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-655246efc34005\"] { line-height: 1.75em !important; 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