How he lied, gaslit, minimized, and controlled her in many ways<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nThankfully, now she is running on the path of healing and freedom. We are so proud of you, Vesper!<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s the story.<\/p>\n
The Story Begins – A Fast Start to an Abusive Relationship<\/h2>\n
My last abusive relationship happened after a friend introduced me to a guy she met through online dating. <\/p>\n
She thought his profile was cute and we would be cute together. <\/p>\n
This guy and I met for dinner, and we talked for three hours. It was a wonderful first date, but he said he was planning to move back to California in the fall. <\/p>\n
I remember thinking I should not fall for him since he is moving. <\/p>\n
A few days later, he called me and wanted to have dinner again. <\/p>\n
We had a wonderful second date, so things were going well. <\/p>\n
At the end of the date, he said he wanted me to meet his family. <\/p>\n
It was Mother\u2019s Day that next weekend, and he said his relatives would be there. <\/p>\n
Not sure, I told him I would let him know. <\/p>\n
After thinking about it, I figured it wouldn\u2019t hurt to meet again with so many people present. <\/p>\n
It was during the day, so it felt safe. <\/p>\n
I went to the family celebration and really liked his mom and family. <\/p>\n
He asked me to dinner again that Sunday. He said he was falling for me and really wanted me to know he was serious.<\/p>\n
Ignoring the Red Flags<\/h2>\n
Before dinner, I went to the restroom and when I got back there was a little velvet box on my place setting. It was a beautiful ring with my birthstone and diamonds!<\/p>\n
After that date, we talked about our dreams and goals and things seemed to be clicking, yet going very fast. <\/p>\n
In less than a month, I was falling for this guy. <\/p>\n
We prayed together and he was very affectionate with me. <\/p>\n
He wanted me to move with him to California to build our life together there. <\/p>\n
After another week of dating, we agreed to cohabitate and share expenses. <\/p>\n
Originally, I hesitated\u2014since I had never heard of the town we were moving to and didn\u2019t even know where it was on the map. <\/p>\n
I kept an open mind because I wanted a relationship. <\/p>\n
I kept praying for God to give me immediate signs to go forward or get out. <\/p>\n
As I look back, I was receiving mixed signals: Positive from God, yet negative from him.<\/p>\n
The Reality Behind the False Promises<\/h2>\n
After he moved into my place, he wanted to start reducing expenses. <\/p>\n
He asked me to cancel my fitness club membership. Reluctantly, I agreed because I knew we were trying to save money to move.<\/p>\n
During the workdays, we never talked. I was okay with no communication during the day since I was working too. <\/p>\n
When he would get home, we would have dinner together and pray. <\/p>\n
Over time though, I found I was making meals like a homemaker and doing domestic chores while he was not doing anything. <\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t see that coming, but he rationalized combining expenses if I made his meals and did the housework. <\/p>\n
My chosen work didn\u2019t make sense to him and he wasn\u2019t impressed at all. <\/p>\n
I would tell him about my day and how I didn\u2019t win the new business I was pitching. <\/p>\n
Telling him about things out of my control gave him information that he used as leverage to get me to quit the progress I was making and building upon. <\/p>\n
He said he didn\u2019t understand PR, so he couldn\u2019t help me.<\/p>\n
Big Changes, and Dangerous Choices<\/h2>\n
All I wanted from him was moral support, but when I showed him my portfolio of the successful campaigns I led and the companies and firms I worked for, he said that was all in the past. <\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t want me to continue my PR business, so I slowly let go of those efforts to appease him and build the relationship. <\/p>\n
On July 1st, I received a notice to renew my 12-month lease at my apartment complex. <\/p>\n
He told me not to sign it. He was ready to move and wanted me to move to California with him. <\/p>\n
He said he knew a lot of people there, and he would introduce me. <\/p>\n
We found a house to lease beginning on October 1, but my lease ended in August. <\/p>\n
He suggested we live with his mom through September. <\/p>\n
I felt apprehensive about moving in with his mom. When I told him I needed to think about it, he slammed the door and drove off so fast you could hear the car wheels screeching out of the parking lot. <\/p>\n
He asked me to dinner the next day and apologized. <\/p>\n
We talked about his dramatic reaction and the move. I agreed that in order to save money, we could move temporarily to his mom\u2019s house. <\/p>\n
While we were packing, he showed me a photo album of all the girls from his past. I was shocked he kept photos of what looked like partying and womanizing. <\/p>\n
He said I was jealous, but I was more concerned for the girls I saw in those photos. <\/p>\n
I thought, \u201cmaybe he would want to leave the album in storage and focus on us.\u201d<\/p>\n
Signs From God – Or More Confusion Due to Abuse?<\/h2>\n
Before we moved, I visited a designer friend because I wanted her advice. <\/p>\n
She asked me to lean back into this beautiful white designer chair and select a number from the remote control. <\/p>\n
She put the earphones over my ears and a sleeping mask across my eyes and said, \u201clet me know what sound you hear.\u201d <\/p>\n
I picked a number and heard ocean waves and birds in the background. <\/p>\n
This randomly selected sound, we believed, was God guiding me to move with him to California. <\/p>\n
As I look back, there were red flags I noticed, but set aside as he was so convincing and affectionate. <\/p>\n
I stayed with him for over a year. <\/p>\n
He was a Christian and he would ask to pray together, which gave me hope and built my trust. <\/p>\n
During these moments, I really felt like I was falling back in love, but it never lasted.<\/p>\n
He always revealed his true self. <\/p>\n
He assured me he was a loyal person and asked me to have faith in him. <\/p>\n
He said we could get a tracker if I didn\u2019t believe him and I could check in with him to see where he was at any time of the day. <\/p>\n
\u201cIt will be like you\u2019re right there with me.\u201d <\/p>\n
I laughed it off, but he was serious. He downloaded an app to track his location.<\/p>\n
Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting<\/h2>\n
Once we moved, he sold his vehicle and started driving my car. <\/p>\n
This left me home alone without a car. <\/p>\n
He had the tracker on his phone, so I felt okay about him driving my car and being alone. <\/p>\n
Over time though, he turned the tracker off. <\/p>\n
This started the gaslighting phase. <\/p>\n
When I wouldn\u2019t see his car and become concerned, he would blame the technology and say I was insecure, mistaken, or lying. <\/p>\n
The Truth Comes to Light<\/h2>\n
The first week we were in our new home, he introduced me to one of his couple friends. <\/p>\n
I realized he lied about them too. He said they owned a restaurant in the area and he would do something with them business-wise. <\/p>\n
When we visited them, I learned they neither owned a restaurant nor had a house. <\/p>\n
Later, he said they were saving money for a house, while they lived in the apartment. I liked the couple, but the little lies kept building.<\/p>\n
During the second week of living there, he talked about getting a limo and partying on Halloween. <\/p>\n
He said all the friends I had met would be there and maybe more girls too. I said, \u201cI don\u2019t want to go out partying.\u201d <\/p>\n
He became angry and said he was still going because these were his friends. <\/p>\n
Crisis and Police Intervention<\/h2>\n
Then, he asked his work friend to move in with us to share expenses. His friend drank all day and did not want to work. <\/p>\n
This became a major problem, so I asked him to tell his friend he had to stop drinking or move back to Minnesota. <\/p>\n
When his friend wouldn\u2019t leave, I told him to call the police to ask him to leave. <\/p>\n
His friend eventually moved out, but now the stress between us was even higher. <\/p>\n
He was still making party plans for Halloween. He knew I did not want to go, and I told him I didn\u2019t want him to go either. <\/p>\n
He said, \u201cI\u2019m afraid you are going to end up in the hospital, or I\u2019m going to jail, or both.\u201d <\/p>\n
That night there was a knock at the door\u2014and when he answered it, the three police officers that removed his friend the night before were there again. <\/p>\n
They told him to put his hands behind his back. I looked at him and said, \u201cwhat\u2019s going on?\u201d All he said was, \u201cdon\u2019t post bail for me.\u201d <\/p>\n
Seeking Healing and Freedom<\/h2>\n
Suddenly, I was all alone in this house. I had my car, but I didn\u2019t know the area or anyone. <\/p>\n
I called his mom and she confirmed she paid his charges last year. <\/p>\n
Again, I was shocked because I never knew he had a DUI. He never mentioned it and I didn\u2019t think to ask. <\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t move back to Minnesota because I co-signed the lease and I took that seriously. Instead, I joined a local bible study group because I needed friends outside of my boyfriend. <\/p>\n
And I needed God first.<\/p>\n
Conclusion<\/h2>\n
While he was in jail, I purchased a mailing address because I needed a secure address for mail at a minimum. <\/p>\n
This expense was something I could afford on my own and was the best decision I made, besides letting him go and finding my studio. <\/p>\n
God guided him out the door in 2015 and me to my studio where I could write and slowly heal.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In this story, Vesper (not her real name) met her boyfriend in another state. They had a fast beginning to their relationship when she fell deeply for him. In this Emotional Abuse Survivor Story, you\u2019ll learn: How her abuser love-bombed her with affection, attention, gifts, and false promises of a blissful future How he filled […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":11176,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"
In this story, Vesper (not her real name) met her boyfriend in another state. They had a fast beginning to their relationship when she fell deeply for him.<\/p><\/div>
In this Emotional Abuse Survivor Story<\/a>, you\u2019ll learn:<\/p><\/div>- How her abuser love-bombed her with affection, attention, gifts, and false promises of a blissful future<\/li>
- How he filled her with hope and a desire for a beautiful relationship <\/li>
- How she moved out of state with him, thus getting isolated from friends and family<\/li>
- How he lied, gaslit, minimized, and controlled her in many ways<\/li><\/ul><\/div>
Thankfully, now she is running on the path of healing and freedom. We are so proud of you, Vesper!<\/p><\/div>
Here\u2019s the story.<\/p><\/div>
The Story Begins - A Fast Start to an Abusive Relationship<\/h2><\/div>My last abusive relationship happened after a friend introduced me to a guy she met through online dating. <\/p>
She thought his profile was cute and we would be cute together. <\/p>
This guy and I met for dinner, and we talked for three hours. It was a wonderful first date, but he said he was planning to move back to California in the fall. <\/p>
I remember thinking I should not fall for him since he is moving. <\/p>
A few days later, he called me and wanted to have dinner again. <\/p>
We had a wonderful second date, so things were going well. <\/p>
At the end of the date, he said he wanted me to meet his family. <\/p>
It was Mother\u2019s Day that next weekend, and he said his relatives would be there. <\/p>
Not sure, I told him I would let him know. <\/p>
After thinking about it, I figured it wouldn\u2019t hurt to meet again with so many people present. <\/p>
It was during the day, so it felt safe. <\/p>
I went to the family celebration and really liked his mom and family. <\/p>
He asked me to dinner again that Sunday. He said he was falling for me and really wanted me to know he was serious.<\/p><\/div>
Ignoring the Red Flags<\/h2><\/div>Before dinner, I went to the restroom and when I got back there was a little velvet box on my place setting. It was a beautiful ring with my birthstone and diamonds!<\/p>
After that date, we talked about our dreams and goals and things seemed to be clicking, yet going very fast. <\/p>
In less than a month, I was falling for this guy. <\/p>
We prayed together and he was very affectionate with me. <\/p>
He wanted me to move with him to California to build our life together there. <\/p>
After another week of dating, we agreed to cohabitate and share expenses. <\/p>
Originally, I hesitated\u2014since I had never heard of the town we were moving to and didn\u2019t even know where it was on the map. <\/p>
I kept an open mind because I wanted a relationship. <\/p>
I kept praying for God to give me immediate signs to go forward or get out. <\/p>
As I look back, I was receiving mixed signals: Positive from God, yet negative from him.<\/p><\/div>
The Reality Behind the False Promises<\/h2><\/div>After he moved into my place, he wanted to start reducing expenses. <\/p>
He asked me to cancel my fitness club membership. Reluctantly, I agreed because I knew we were trying to save money to move.<\/p>
During the workdays, we never talked. I was okay with no communication during the day since I was working too. <\/p>
When he would get home, we would have dinner together and pray. <\/p>
Over time though, I found I was making meals like a homemaker and doing domestic chores while he was not doing anything. <\/p>
I didn\u2019t see that coming, but he rationalized combining expenses if I made his meals and did the housework. <\/p>
My chosen work didn\u2019t make sense to him and he wasn\u2019t impressed at all. <\/p>
I would tell him about my day and how I didn\u2019t win the new business I was pitching. <\/p>
Telling him about things out of my control gave him information that he used as leverage to get me to quit the progress I was making and building upon. <\/p>
He said he didn\u2019t understand PR, so he couldn\u2019t help me.<\/p><\/div>
Big Changes, and Dangerous Choices<\/h2><\/div>All I wanted from him was moral support, but when I showed him my portfolio of the successful campaigns I led and the companies and firms I worked for, he said that was all in the past. <\/p>
He didn\u2019t want me to continue my PR business, so I slowly let go of those efforts to appease him and build the relationship. <\/p>
On July 1st, I received a notice to renew my 12-month lease at my apartment complex. <\/p>
He told me not to sign it. He was ready to move and wanted me to move to California with him. <\/p>
He said he knew a lot of people there, and he would introduce me. <\/p>
We found a house to lease beginning on October 1, but my lease ended in August. <\/p>
He suggested we live with his mom through September. <\/p>
I felt apprehensive about moving in with his mom. When I told him I needed to think about it, he slammed the door and drove off so fast you could hear the car wheels screeching out of the parking lot. <\/p>
He asked me to dinner the next day and apologized. <\/p>
We talked about his dramatic reaction and the move. I agreed that in order to save money, we could move temporarily to his mom\u2019s house. <\/p>
While we were packing, he showed me a photo album of all the girls from his past. I was shocked he kept photos of what looked like partying and womanizing. <\/p>
He said I was jealous, but I was more concerned for the girls I saw in those photos. <\/p>
I thought, \u201cmaybe he would want to leave the album in storage and focus on us.\u201d<\/p><\/div>
Signs From God - Or More Confusion Due to Abuse?<\/h2><\/div>Before we moved, I visited a designer friend because I wanted her advice. <\/p>
She asked me to lean back into this beautiful white designer chair and select a number from the remote control. <\/p>
She put the earphones over my ears and a sleeping mask across my eyes and said, \u201clet me know what sound you hear.\u201d <\/p>
I picked a number and heard ocean waves and birds in the background. <\/p>
This randomly selected sound, we believed, was God guiding me to move with him to California. <\/p>
As I look back, there were red flags I noticed, but set aside as he was so convincing and affectionate. <\/p>
I stayed with him for over a year. <\/p>
He was a Christian and he would ask to pray together, which gave me hope and built my trust. <\/p>
During these moments, I really felt like I was falling back in love, but it never lasted.<\/p>
He always revealed his true self. <\/p>
He assured me he was a loyal person and asked me to have faith in him. <\/p>
He said we could get a tracker if I didn\u2019t believe him and I could check in with him to see where he was at any time of the day. <\/p>
\u201cIt will be like you\u2019re right there with me.\u201d <\/p>
I laughed it off, but he was serious. He downloaded an app to track his location.<\/p><\/div>
Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting<\/h2><\/div>Once we moved, he sold his vehicle and started driving my car. <\/p>
This left me home alone without a car. <\/p>
He had the tracker on his phone, so I felt okay about him driving my car and being alone. <\/p>
Over time though, he turned the tracker off. <\/p>
This started the gaslighting phase. <\/p>
When I wouldn\u2019t see his car and become concerned, he would blame the technology and say I was insecure, mistaken, or lying. <\/p><\/div>
The Truth Comes to Light<\/h2><\/div>The first week we were in our new home, he introduced me to one of his couple friends. <\/p>
I realized he lied about them too. He said they owned a restaurant in the area and he would do something with them business-wise. <\/p>
When we visited them, I learned they neither owned a restaurant nor had a house. <\/p>
Later, he said they were saving money for a house, while they lived in the apartment. I liked the couple, but the little lies kept building.<\/p>
During the second week of living there, he talked about getting a limo and partying on Halloween. <\/p>
He said all the friends I had met would be there and maybe more girls too. I said, \u201cI don\u2019t want to go out partying.\u201d <\/p>
He became angry and said he was still going because these were his friends. <\/p><\/div>
Crisis and Police Intervention<\/h2><\/div>Then, he asked his work friend to move in with us to share expenses. His friend drank all day and did not want to work. <\/p>
This became a major problem, so I asked him to tell his friend he had to stop drinking or move back to Minnesota. <\/p>
When his friend wouldn\u2019t leave, I told him to call the police to ask him to leave. <\/p>
His friend eventually moved out, but now the stress between us was even higher. <\/p>
He was still making party plans for Halloween. He knew I did not want to go, and I told him I didn\u2019t want him to go either. <\/p>
He said, \u201cI\u2019m afraid you are going to end up in the hospital, or I\u2019m going to jail, or both.\u201d <\/p>
That night there was a knock at the door\u2014and when he answered it, the three police officers that removed his friend the night before were there again. <\/p>
They told him to put his hands behind his back. I looked at him and said, \u201cwhat\u2019s going on?\u201d All he said was, \u201cdon\u2019t post bail for me.\u201d <\/p><\/div>
Seeking Healing and Freedom<\/h2><\/div>Suddenly, I was all alone in this house. I had my car, but I didn\u2019t know the area or anyone. <\/p>
I called his mom and she confirmed she paid his charges last year. <\/p>
Again, I was shocked because I never knew he had a DUI. He never mentioned it and I didn\u2019t think to ask. <\/p>
I didn\u2019t move back to Minnesota because I co-signed the lease and I took that seriously. Instead, I joined a local bible study group because I needed friends outside of my boyfriend. <\/p>
And I needed God first.<\/p><\/div>
Conclusion<\/h2><\/div>While he was in jail, I purchased a mailing address because I needed a secure address for mail at a minimum. <\/p>
This expense was something I could afford on my own and was the best decision I made, besides letting him go and finding my studio. <\/p>
God guided him out the door in 2015 and me to my studio where I could write and slowly heal.<\/p><\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-65119615411ae0\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-65119615411b06\"] { margin-bottom: 10px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-65119615411ac3\"] { line-height: 1.75em !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-65119615411a36\"] { margin-bottom: 10px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 15px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 14px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 30px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 7.5px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f5b05b3\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; font-size: 35px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-190c92244b5\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-190c9233196\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-190c923cbab\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-190c92500a3\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-190c92603ce\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-190c926d22f\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-190c9271115\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-190c927779e\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }}","tve_user_custom_css":"","tve_globals":{"e":"1","font_cls":[]},"tcb2_ready":1,"tcb_editor_enabled":1,"tve_landing_page":"","_tve_header":"","_tve_footer":""},"categories":[48],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5972","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emotional-abuse-stories","post-wrapper","thrv_wrapper"],"yoast_head":"\n
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