{"id":5960,"date":"2023-09-25T06:52:14","date_gmt":"2023-09-25T13:52:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=5960"},"modified":"2026-01-23T03:39:57","modified_gmt":"2026-01-23T11:39:57","slug":"the-wreckage-left-bedinpro","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/the-wreckage-left-bedinpro\/","title":{"rendered":"The Wreckage He Left Behind: Crystal\u2019s Story"},"content":{"rendered":"<p dir=\"ltr\">Today, we are sharing <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/emotional-abuse-stories\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">a survivor story of emotional abuse<\/a> from a brave woman, named Crystal (a pseudonym to protect her privacy.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>In this story, you\u2019re going to learn:&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">How covert emotional abuse is often much worse than any other form of violence&nbsp;<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">How it is common that there\u2019s often a \u2018honeymoon phase\u2019 before the abuse sets in&nbsp;<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">How covert narcissists are often skilled at managing their image&nbsp;<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">How covert abuse robs victims of their self identity and damages their soul&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>But you\u2019re also going to learn how the damage is not beyond repair.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s get into the story.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">An Unexpected Connection<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">In 2017, I went to a Drift Driving Competition and I sent a video I took of a driver to him after the event.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This man was 13 years older than me and I only sent it because I was trying to be nice.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This man proceeded to pursue me and tell me a story about his ex-wife and how horrible she was.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He asked me about my life and I shared how I was raised in an abusive home and I was still struggling to get on my feet.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This man applauded me for being a strong woman. I was supposed to join the military that week, and he stopped me.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He offered me a job making more in one week than I did in two as a caregiver for the elderly, which I loved doing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He also offered me a room in his house because he had so many empty rooms and just wanted to help.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was skeptical\u2014but after seeing his business and home and how kind he was, it all checked out.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">The Downward Spiral<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I moved in and eventually we started dating, because he was the kindest person I had ever met.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Then, it slowly fell apart.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was told that I was too emotional, so he told me to go get medication and therapy.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Suddenly, everything I did made him mad.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He said it was my fault he lied to me.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He told me I didn\u2019t deserve affection and love because I don\u2019t know how to behave.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He tried <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/gaslighting\/\">gaslighting<\/a>, manipulation, shifting blame, prostitutes, and drugs.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He bought and tried to hide cameras in our bedroom, and bullied me to sleep with other women in front of him.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He made me tell him details of my sexual abuse as a child during sex, coerced me to do drugs, ignored my plea to call 9-1-1 when my heart rate was in the 190\u2019s (thank you Apple Watch heart monitor) and I was having difficulty breathing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Instead of calling for help, he laughed at me and turned on porn, while I collapsed on the bathroom floor, covered in my own vomit, and welcomed death because I didn\u2019t care anymore.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He would tell me that he does what he wants, when he wants, and if I don\u2019t like it, I should get out\u2014although he knew I had no place to go.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">The Hidden Reality<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">On the outside, everyone loves this man.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">His mother and a roommate lived with us, and all he allowed them to see was that I was upset and sad a lot.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He is a narcissist and has admitted such to me; the covert type that waits until the door is shut to tear you apart and destroy you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">When I left him, his employees at my location all quit.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">One left a week prior because he was tired of getting calls from my ex\u2019s business partner trying to find out if I was doing everything perfect, more or less harassing me at work as well.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">His employees saw it too\u2014so when I left, they followed suit\u2014and he was left with no employees at that location.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">He and his business partner knew I had evidence of him being abusive and they told me, \u201cdon\u2019t sling mud because you don\u2019t know what videos he has of you.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Considering he was trying to hide cameras in the bedroom, I can only imagine.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">Losing Myself<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My ex destroyed the happy, kind, goofy person I used to be.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The stranger who called me a liar destroyed whatever actual life I had left in this shell of a person I am now.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was silenced as a kid through 10 years of abuse.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Now, at 31, I am again silenced. I have lost my sense of self-identity.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I can\u2019t sleep. I don\u2019t eat for days. I dissociate for most of my day now.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I don\u2019t even remember big chunks of the past couple of days.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I\u2019m anxious and scared. I\u2019m defensive and angry. What kind of life is this?<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">The Struggle to Find Help<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I reached out and got turned down by two therapists online after they heard my story. Hopefully, the third one won\u2019t run off because of my story.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">It\u2019s 5:43 am and I haven\u2019t slept because when I do, I still have nightmares.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I know that you want stories of hope for people, but this is what this looks like 5 months after you leave.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This is ugly, This is the truth.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This is what psychological abuse does.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">It destroys people.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I do not believe I will ever be the same again.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I was a good person before, and I miss the person that I was.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I\u2019m not getting better, it\u2019s worse now.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">The Impact on My Son<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Before him, I was making straight A\u2019s in my college classes\u2014and I can\u2019t even do my homework now because I\u2019m dissociated and completely detached 90% of the day.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I have a 12-year-old son who I can\u2019t even call on the phone because I cry when I hear his voice.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I cry because I know I\u2019m not the mom I used to be.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I used to be fun, playful and cheerful.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">So not only did I get destroyed, but my son lost the mom he used to have.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">My best friend and my son\u2019s father are both worried and check in on me.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I usually don\u2019t even have it in me to talk to them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">I hate saying the same thing every time they ask how I am.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">\u201cI\u2019m still the same, guys . . . a complete wreck.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">It wasn\u2019t just a bad break up. That man got away with everything he did while I sit and watch life go by, because I don\u2019t have anything left to give.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers like my ex get to keep doing this to other women and they get satisfaction from knowing they hurt people like this.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">Conclusion: A Message of Hope<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If you are a survivor of abuse like Crystal and feel it will never get better, we at The MEND Project want to encourage you by telling you that it does.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Day by day, one step at a time, the healing takes place.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">We encourage you to keep reaching out, keep learning, keep believing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Join us in <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/mend-trainings\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">one of our training programs<\/a>. Many prior attendees say our 4-week course &#8211; that can be done at your own pace &#8211; was a like a year of therapy and education.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">You are worth it!<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today, we are sharing a survivor story of emotional abuse from a brave woman, named Crystal (a pseudonym to protect her privacy.)&nbsp; In this story, you\u2019re going to learn:&nbsp; How covert emotional abuse is often much worse than any other form of violence&nbsp; How it is common that there\u2019s often a \u2018honeymoon phase\u2019 before the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":12383,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Today, we are sharing <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/emotional-abuse-stories\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">a survivor story of emotional abuse<\/a> from a brave woman, named Crystal (a pseudonym to protect her privacy.)&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>In this story, you\u2019re going to learn:&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6981\"><ul class=\"\"><li data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f69f2\" dir=\"ltr\">How covert emotional abuse is often much worse than any other form of violence&nbsp;<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f69f2\" dir=\"ltr\">How it is common that there\u2019s often a \u2018honeymoon phase\u2019 before the abuse sets in&nbsp;<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f69f2\" dir=\"ltr\">How covert narcissists are often skilled at managing their image&nbsp;<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f69f2\" dir=\"ltr\">How covert abuse robs victims of their self identity and damages their soul&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>But you\u2019re also going to learn how the damage is not beyond repair.&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p>Let\u2019s get into the story.&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 data-css=\"tve-u-1918e6dea95\" class=\"\" style=\"\">An Unexpected Connection<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a39\"><p dir=\"ltr\">In 2017, I went to a Drift Driving Competition and I sent a video I took of a driver to him after the event.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This man was 13 years older than me and I only sent it because I was trying to be nice.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This man proceeded to pursue me and tell me a story about his ex-wife and how horrible she was.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He asked me about my life and I shared how I was raised in an abusive home and I was still struggling to get on my feet.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This man applauded me for being a strong woman. I was supposed to join the military that week, and he stopped me.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He offered me a job making more in one week than I did in two as a caregiver for the elderly, which I loved doing.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He also offered me a room in his house because he had so many empty rooms and just wanted to help.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was skeptical\u2014but after seeing his business and home and how kind he was, it all checked out.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 data-css=\"tve-u-1918e6e7de4\" class=\"\" style=\"\">The Downward Spiral<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a39\"><p dir=\"ltr\">I moved in and eventually we started dating, because he was the kindest person I had ever met.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Then, it slowly fell apart.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was told that I was too emotional, so he told me to go get medication and therapy.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Suddenly, everything I did made him mad.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He said it was my fault he lied to me.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He told me I didn\u2019t deserve affection and love because I don\u2019t know how to behave.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He tried <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/gaslighting\/\">gaslighting<\/a>, manipulation, shifting blame, prostitutes, and drugs.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He bought and tried to hide cameras in our bedroom, and bullied me to sleep with other women in front of him.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He made me tell him details of my sexual abuse as a child during sex, coerced me to do drugs, ignored my plea to call 9-1-1 when my heart rate was in the 190\u2019s (thank you Apple Watch heart monitor) and I was having difficulty breathing.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Instead of calling for help, he laughed at me and turned on porn, while I collapsed on the bathroom floor, covered in my own vomit, and welcomed death because I didn\u2019t care anymore.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He would tell me that he does what he wants, when he wants, and if I don\u2019t like it, I should get out\u2014although he knew I had no place to go.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 data-css=\"tve-u-1918e6f6baa\" class=\"\" style=\"\">The Hidden Reality<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a39\"><p dir=\"ltr\">On the outside, everyone loves this man.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">His mother and a roommate lived with us, and all he allowed them to see was that I was upset and sad a lot.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He is a narcissist and has admitted such to me; the covert type that waits until the door is shut to tear you apart and destroy you.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">When I left him, his employees at my location all quit.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">One left a week prior because he was tired of getting calls from my ex\u2019s business partner trying to find out if I was doing everything perfect, more or less harassing me at work as well.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">His employees saw it too\u2014so when I left, they followed suit\u2014and he was left with no employees at that location.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">He and his business partner knew I had evidence of him being abusive and they told me, \u201cdon\u2019t sling mud because you don\u2019t know what videos he has of you.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Considering he was trying to hide cameras in the bedroom, I can only imagine.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 data-css=\"tve-u-1918e707701\" class=\"\" style=\"\">Losing Myself<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a39\"><p dir=\"ltr\">My ex destroyed the happy, kind, goofy person I used to be.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">The stranger who called me a liar destroyed whatever actual life I had left in this shell of a person I am now.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was silenced as a kid through 10 years of abuse.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Now, at 31, I am again silenced. I have lost my sense of self-identity.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I can\u2019t sleep. I don\u2019t eat for days. I dissociate for most of my day now.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I don\u2019t even remember big chunks of the past couple of days.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I\u2019m anxious and scared. I\u2019m defensive and angry. What kind of life is this?<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 data-css=\"tve-u-1918e707d99\" class=\"\" style=\"\">The Struggle to Find Help<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a39\"><p dir=\"ltr\">I reached out and got turned down by two therapists online after they heard my story. Hopefully, the third one won\u2019t run off because of my story.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">It\u2019s 5:43 am and I haven\u2019t slept because when I do, I still have nightmares.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I know that you want stories of hope for people, but this is what this looks like 5 months after you leave.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This is ugly, This is the truth.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This is what psychological abuse does.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">It destroys people.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I do not believe I will ever be the same again.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I was a good person before, and I miss the person that I was.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I\u2019m not getting better, it\u2019s worse now.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a14\" class=\"\" style=\"\">The Impact on My Son<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a39\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Before him, I was making straight A\u2019s in my college classes\u2014and I can\u2019t even do my homework now because I\u2019m dissociated and completely detached 90% of the day.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I have a 12-year-old son who I can\u2019t even call on the phone because I cry when I hear his voice.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I cry because I know I\u2019m not the mom I used to be.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I used to be fun, playful and cheerful.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">So not only did I get destroyed, but my son lost the mom he used to have.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">My best friend and my son\u2019s father are both worried and check in on me.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I usually don\u2019t even have it in me to talk to them.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">I hate saying the same thing every time they ask how I am.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">\u201cI\u2019m still the same, guys . . . a complete wreck.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">It wasn\u2019t just a bad break up. That man got away with everything he did while I sit and watch life go by, because I don\u2019t have anything left to give.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers like my ex get to keep doing this to other women and they get satisfaction from knowing they hurt people like this.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f5ca6c7\" class=\"\" style=\"\">Conclusion: A Message of Hope<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a39\"><p dir=\"ltr\">If you are a survivor of abuse like Crystal and feel it will never get better, we at The MEND Project want to encourage you by telling you that it does.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Day by day, one step at a time, the healing takes place.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">We encourage you to keep reaching out, keep learning, keep believing.&nbsp;<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Join us in <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/mend-trainings\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">one of our training programs<\/a>. Many prior attendees say our 4-week course - that can be done at your own pace - was a like a year of therapy and education.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">You are worth it!<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrive_leads_shortcode\"><div class=\"thrive-shortcode-config\" style=\"display: none !important;\">__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__{\"id\":\"6557\"}__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__<\/div><\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a14\"] { color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; font-size: 33px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6a39\"] { margin-bottom: 10px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f69f2\"] { line-height: 1.75em !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-65118fd51f6981\"] { margin-bottom: 10px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 15px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 14px !important; 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