{"id":5776,"date":"2023-09-13T05:08:48","date_gmt":"2023-09-13T12:08:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=5776"},"modified":"2026-03-11T11:25:03","modified_gmt":"2026-03-11T18:25:03","slug":"abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/","title":{"rendered":"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">You\u2019ve been the victim of abuse\u2014and now, you\u2019re wondering if it was actually your fault.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">You\u2019ve spent hours, days, weeks\u2014maybe even years tipping back and forth between two contrasting thought processes:&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\"><em>I deserve better than this. I shouldn\u2019t be treated this way.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">And\u2026&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\"><em>Maybe it IS my fault. Maybe I\u2019m to blame for why this is happening.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">In this article, we\u2019re going to:&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">\n<ul>\n<li style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Discuss why people sometimes feel like abuse is their fault<\/li>\n<li style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Talk about how sometimes \u2018reactive defense\u2019 can make you feel like you were the abusive one (when in reality you were a victim defending yourself)<\/li>\n<li style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Describe the mindset of an abusive person (to help you understand their true motivations)<\/li>\n<li style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">And provide you with a 5-step plan to accept that abuse is NOT your fault<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Let\u2019s talk about it.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">You Were Conditioned to Believe It Was Your Fault<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"A couple displaying what some think is Mutually Abusive\" data-id=\"4251\" width=\"313\" data-init-width=\"250\" height=\"438\" data-init-height=\"350\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/A-couple-displaying-what-some-think-is-Mutual-Abuse.png.webp\" data-width=\"313\" data-height=\"438\" ml-d=\"-1.406000000000006\" mt-d=\"0\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 250 \/ 350;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Here\u2019s the thing\u2026 abuse is not your fault\u2014but it\u2019s fairly common to feel that way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">If this is your reality, you may feel confused, afraid, angry, ashamed, or trapped.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">And, chances are, you\u2019ve been stuffing feelings down like, \u201cI must not be loveable,&#8221; \u201cmaybe I don\u2019t know how to communicate effectively,\u201d or \u201cmaybe something is intrinsically wrong with me\u201d.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">In contrast, you may have ignored your intuition by stuffing feelings like, \u201cwhy don\u2019t I ever experience empathy from my partner\u201d or \u201cmy partner is chronically defensive and punitive towards me. It must be because something is wrong with me.\u201d In either case, you\u2019re confused, stressed and full of self doubt.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\"><span>You may blame yourself, or feel responsible for what has happened in your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\">You may even feel responsible to fix it.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Or perhaps you believe you have the power to change everything, if you could figure out that one thing you need to do.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">We understand why so many victims keep looking for the one thing they can do to stop the abuse. They think that if they found it, their situation would change. But if victims have to wait on the abuser to change, it might never happen.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">These feelings are normal responses to abuse. There is nothing wrong with you. We know you are doing the best you can.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">But all of this will hinder your ability to heal, so it\u2019s important to reject the lie that the abuse was your fault.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">Do This First<\/h3>\n<p style=\"\">Now, <em>first<\/em>, stop to take a moment and recognize any shame or responsibility you are feeling for the conflict and pain coming from your complicated relationship.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">Why is this the most necessary step?<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">The internal dialogue of self-blame is one of the most important ideas your abuser conditioned you to believe.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">Through denial, criticisms and other manipulative means, they confused you to make you feel responsible for any conflict\u2014making you feel worthless.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\">If you were a better friend, lover, child, parent\u2014a better anything\u2014they would not have harmed you.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\">Or <em>\u201cif you weren\u2019t so depressed\u201d<\/em>&nbsp; they wouldn\u2019t have done that.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\">Their accusations likely were relentless and wore you down, which made it difficult to reject them.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><span style=\"\">What they tried to make you believe about yourself was never true.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">It can make you feel <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/why-does-nobody-believe-me\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">like you are going &#8216;crazy<\/a><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(201, 166, 84) !important; color: rgb(201, 166, 84) !important;\">,&#8217;<\/span> or create serious cognitive dissonance, which is a disconnect between how you interpret events to what is actually happening. These confused feelings and interpretations cripple you and keep you from being able to evaluate your situation clearly.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Abuse is never the victim\u2019s fault.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Still, those lies they told you probably seep into your thoughts as if they were your own.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">That doesn\u2019t make them true.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">But, we&#8217;re jumping too far ahead. We\u2019ll cover how to break these lies in a bit.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">For now, look:<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">If the abuse had been your fault, you would have been able to make it stop\u2014but nothing you did seemed to work and you know you\u2019ve tried everything<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">But the abuse <em>did not stop<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Here\u2019s another \u2018always present in every abusive relationship scenario\u2019 that confirms the abuse was not your fault.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"\" data-id=\"4849\" width=\"250\" data-init-width=\"250\" height=\"425\" data-init-height=\"425\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Trauma-Bonding.png.webp\" data-width=\"250\" data-height=\"425\" mt-d=\"-1.016999999999996\" ml-d=\"0\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 250 \/ 425;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">The Abuse is Covert<\/h2>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/covert-abuse\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Covert Emotional Abuse<\/a> (\u201cCEA\u201d) is the hidden, hard-to-name, repeated behavioral tactics used to manipulate another person and cause harm to their heart and inner emotions.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">These tactics are hard to describe and name, and are therefore nearly impossible to confront.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Covert Abuse confuses the victim, causing them to experience profound self-doubt and often question their reality.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Covert Abuse is intended to exert control over another.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Being alone as a recipient of the abuse, and the only true witness of it, causes a bewildering inability to sort out one\u2019s traumatic experience.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">You May Have Reacted in Ways That Do Not Make You Proud<\/h2>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Another reason victims feel responsible is because they feel ashamed for the ways they reacted to emotional abuse, which were outside their normal character.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">You may wonder if you were also abusive.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">These responses are known by professionals as \u201cReactive Abuse.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">MEND refers to it as \u201cReactive Defense,\u201d because those reactions result from involuntary brain responses. These are triggered by recurring and&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/trauma-bonding\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">ongoing trauma<\/a>, which compel the victim to respond in a fight, flight, freeze, or appease mode.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">You may react strongly (and even aggressively) to the abusive situation.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">You can learn more about it by reading our <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/reactive-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">blog on Reactive Abuse<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Reactive defense is the body\u2019s natural self-defense mechanism designed to protect you.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">It is not abuse.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">Self-Blame Helps You to See Your Partner in a More Positive Light<\/h2>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Often, self-blame is not about taking responsibility, but about how abuse victims avoid facing the reality of physical or sexual abuse, or emotionally abusive circumstances they continue to encounter.<\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\"><span style=\"\">A victim\u2019s constant self-blame is like a \u201creverse psychological projection.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\"><span style=\"\">In other words, by blaming themselves they can project their positive traits onto their partner, which they desperately want to believe are true. They desire to believe their partner is good for them and that they love them. When the victim takes responsibility for the relationship\u2019s troubles it allows the victim to believe they can improve their relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"\" data-id=\"4755\" width=\"250\" data-init-width=\"250\" height=\"340\" data-init-height=\"340\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Woman-Walking-Away.png.webp\" data-width=\"250\" data-height=\"340\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 250 \/ 340;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">Emotional Abuse Is a Result of the Faulty Mindset and Worldview of the One Causing Harm<\/h2>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Why your partner chooses to use abusive tactics that harm you has only to do with their own faulty belief systems or thinking patterns. These were developed long before you met and are possibly generational.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">We call these foundational truths the Pillars of Abuse:<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)     !important;\">1. Entitlement<\/h3>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">The expectation by the emotional abuser for preferential treatment, double standards, or rewards even when they do not deserve it and regardless of whether it causes harm, or deprives others\u2019 needs or well-being. This entitlement holds a deep-seated belief that boundaries or rules which apply to their partner do not apply to them under any circumstance. The abuser believes they are entitled to be the dominant partner.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)     !important;\">2. Faulty Belief System<\/h3>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">This involves the abuser\u2019s moralistic judgments based on limited knowledge, family system, or social bias, which causes them to oppress others. <\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">For example, gender bias, sexism, or patriarchy can skew the abuser\u2019s belief system\u2014making it very difficult for them to recognize a need to change the behaviors resulting from that system.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Equality, mutual respect, mutual validation, and reciprocity would indicate a healthy relationship where conflicts are rather peaceful and solutions-oriented.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)     !important;\">3. Image Management<\/h3>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Image management is when the abuser will do anything to hide their flaws or insecurities in public and protect their image at any cost, most notably at the expense of the target of their abuse.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">A person\u2019s motivation for covert emotional abuse is to intentionally oppress, power over, and control, while other times their motive is to avoid truly being seen through authentic emotional connections and conversations leading to a secure attachment.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">The emotional abuser is so uncomfortable with emotions they do anything to avoid dealing with their partners\u2019 or their own feelings. And the abuser\u2019s feelings are seriously distorted.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">The faulty thinking and beliefs drive their actions to shut down or block their victim\u2019s authentic attempts to communicate effectively.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Now, let\u2019s look at some ways to release shame and self-blame.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">How Can You Accept That Abuse Is Not Your Fault?<\/h2>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Here are some steps that you can take to create some self-compassion and accept that the abuse is not your fault:<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">1. Acknowledge the Truth<\/h3>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">So long as you remain in agreement with the lie that the abuse was your fault, it will continue to control you and hinder the healing process.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Acknowledging the truth and recognizing that the abuse is not your fault is the first crucial step in your recovery. To help you accomplish this goal please spend time on our website where you will find the validation you need. Or reach out to a trusted friend who is willing to compassionately listen to your story and communicate that nothing you did deserved to receive the maltreatment you\u2019ve experienced.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">2. Remember That No Matter How Hard You Tried, You Never Stopped Experiencing Emotional Abuse<\/h3>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Maybe it subsided for short periods of time, but it never ended. If you were responsible for it, you would have been able to make it stop.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">3. To Begin Healing, You Need to Adopt the Truth That Your Mistakes Do Not Excuse Their Abuse<\/h3>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">If you made mistakes, as we all do, abuse is never an appropriate response to them. Responding abusively is a choice, it is not a mistake or accident.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">4. Stop Telling Yourself That \u201cMaybe You Could Have Stopped It\u201d<\/h3>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Many victims feel responsible for the abuse because they ignored early red flags, didn\u2019t leave sooner, or weren\u2019t able to make it stop. Many psychological abuse victims don\u2019t realize that what they are encountering is abuse; they lack clarity of what is actually happening and are stuck in prolonged states of stress and confusion.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Whether you ignored the warning signs, shut down your own instincts, or stayed when you should have left does not mean the abuse is your fault.<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">5. Declare Aloud (and Often) That the Abuse Is Not Your Fault, Even if You Don\u2019t Feel That Way on the Inside<\/h3>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Make it your daily (maybe even hourly) mantra: <em>\u201cthe abuse was not my fault\u201d<\/em> or <em>\u201cI did not deserve it.\u201d<\/em><em>\u201cI am loveable and deserve to be treated with kindness and mutual respect.\u201d<\/em> It can be very helpful to find a therapist with extensive experience in abuse and trauma to explore why you carry a deficeit of self love. It may have come from childhood experiences you\u2019ve yet to identify. The goal is to firmly believe you deserve better because you are a loveable person.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)     !important;\">Conclusion<\/h2>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Abusers often perpetuate their control by intentionally or unintentionally making victims question, <em>\u201cis it my fault I was abused?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">However, abuse is never the victim&#8217;s fault.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">On the contrary, covert abuse, a distorted worldview, reactive defense, and familial or social conditioning all contribute to misplaced blame.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">However, by shifting a victim\u2019s mindset and accepting the truth that no behavior ever justifies abuse, victims can begin to end abusive cycles.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My husband&#8217;s jealousy and porn addiction quickly spiraled out of control, but when I turned to counselors and church for help, I was met with derision.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":7751,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-page-section tve-height-update\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-out\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-in tve_empty_dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097b\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80987\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80988\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098e\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6506ee\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">You\u2019ve been the victim of abuse\u2014and now, you\u2019re wondering if it was actually your fault.&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6506f0\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">You\u2019ve spent hours, days, weeks\u2014maybe even years tipping back and forth between two contrasting thought processes:&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6506f3\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\"><em>I deserve better than this. I shouldn\u2019t be treated this way.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6506f5\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">And\u2026&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097f\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\"><em>Maybe it IS my fault. Maybe I\u2019m to blame for why this is happening.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80980\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">In this article, we\u2019re going to:&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80980\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\"><br><\/p><ul class=\"\"><li data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80981\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Discuss why people sometimes feel like abuse is their fault<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80982\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Talk about how sometimes \u2018reactive defense\u2019 can make you feel like you were the abusive one (when in reality you were a victim defending yourself)<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80983\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Describe the mindset of an abusive person (to help you understand their true motivations)<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80984\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">And provide you with a 5-step plan to accept that abuse is NOT your fault<\/li><\/ul><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80986\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Let\u2019s talk about it.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1904accb77c\">You Were Conditioned to Believe It Was Your Fault<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18eb4375\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb-resized tcb--cols--2\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80992\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col c-66\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cab2f3\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f67b2eb\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-clear\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cb3f9b\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cb3f97\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\" style=\"\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image wp-image-4251 tcb-moved-image\" data-id=\"4251\" data-init-width=\"250\" data-init-height=\"350\" title=\"A couple displaying what some think is Mutual Abuse\" loading=\"lazy\" data-width=\"313\" data-height=\"438\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 250 \/ 350;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19047483435\" ml-d=\"-1.406000000000006\" mt-d=\"0\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"A couple displaying what some think is Mutually Abusive\" data-id=\"4251\" width=\"313\" data-init-width=\"250\" height=\"438\" data-init-height=\"350\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/A-couple-displaying-what-some-think-is-Mutual-Abuse.png.webp\" data-width=\"313\" data-height=\"438\" data-css=\"tve-u-19047483435\" ml-d=\"-1.406000000000006\" mt-d=\"0\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 250 \/ 350;\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col c-33\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cab2f6\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e9b497\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6529f4\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Here\u2019s the thing\u2026 abuse is not your fault\u2014but it\u2019s fairly common to feel that way.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e9b49a\" style=\"\"><span style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65a42f\">If this is your reality, you may feel confused, afraid, angry, ashamed, or trapped.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ea93dd\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6529fd\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">And, chances are, you\u2019ve been stuffing feelings down like, \u201cI must not be loveable,\" \u201cmaybe I don\u2019t know how to communicate effectively,\u201d or \u201cmaybe something is intrinsically wrong with me\u201d.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ea93dd\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6529fd\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">In contrast, you may have ignored your intuition by stuffing feelings like, \u201cwhy don\u2019t I ever experience empathy from my partner\u201d or \u201cmy partner is chronically defensive and punitive towards me. It must be because something is wrong with me.\u201d In either case, you\u2019re confused, stressed and full of self doubt.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e9b49c\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f652a01\">You may blame yourself, or feel responsible for what has happened in your relationship.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ea14e6\" style=\"\">You may even feel responsible to fix it.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ea14e8\" style=\"\">Or perhaps you believe you have the power to change everything, if you could figure out that one thing you need to do.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ea14eb\" style=\"\">We understand why so many victims keep looking for the one thing they can do to stop the abuse. They think that if they found it, their situation would change. But if victims have to wait on the abuser to change, it might never happen.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098c\" style=\"\">These feelings are normal responses to abuse. There is nothing wrong with you. We know you are doing the best you can.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098d\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6567b1\" style=\"\">But all of this will hinder your ability to heal, so it\u2019s important to reject the lie that the abuse was your fault.<br><\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h3 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">Do This First<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ccb778\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80992\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-191152db960\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d818\" style=\"\">Now, <em>first<\/em>, stop to take a moment and recognize any shame or responsibility you are feeling for the conflict and pain coming from your complicated relationship.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d81a\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d825\" style=\"\">Why is this the most necessary step?<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80995\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d827\" style=\"\">The internal dialogue of self-blame is one of the most important ideas your abuser conditioned you to believe.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d81d\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d829\" style=\"\">Through denial, criticisms and other manipulative means, they confused you to make you feel responsible for any conflict\u2014making you feel worthless.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d81f\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d82b\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d82d\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d82f\" style=\"\">If you were a better friend, lover, child, parent\u2014a better anything\u2014they would not have harmed you.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d821\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d830\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d833\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d834\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d836\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d838\" style=\"\">Or <em>\u201cif you weren\u2019t so depressed\u201d<\/em>&nbsp; they wouldn\u2019t have done that.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a5\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d83b\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d83d\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d840\" style=\"\">Their accusations likely were relentless and wore you down, which made it difficult to reject them.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cbe3f0\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d842\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d844\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d846\" style=\"\">What they tried to make you believe about yourself was never true.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrive_leads_shortcode\" data-css=\"tve-u-191bf805050\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrive-shortcode-config\" style=\"display: none !important;\">__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__{\"id\":\"6557\"}__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18eda3d0\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80988\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18da998c\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099d\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099a\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">It can make you feel <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/why-does-nobody-believe-me\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">like you are going 'crazy<\/a><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(201, 166, 84) !important; color: rgb(201, 166, 84) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19047501fb9\">,'<\/span> or create serious cognitive dissonance, which is a disconnect between how you interpret events to what is actually happening. These confused feelings and interpretations cripple you and keep you from being able to evaluate your situation clearly.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099a\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Abuse is never the victim\u2019s fault.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099b\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Still, those lies they told you probably seep into your thoughts as if they were your own.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099b\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">That doesn\u2019t make them true.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099b\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">But, we're jumping too far ahead. We\u2019ll cover how to break these lies in a bit.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099b\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">For now, look:<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099b\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">If the abuse had been your fault, you would have been able to make it stop\u2014but nothing you did seemed to work and you know you\u2019ve tried everything<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099b\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">But the abuse <em>did not stop<\/em>.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099c\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Here\u2019s another \u2018always present in every abusive relationship scenario\u2019 that confirms the abuse was not your fault.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80991\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb-resized tcb--cols--2\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80992\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col c-66\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f678701\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f678c38\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-clear\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cb3f9b\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ecb419\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\" style=\"\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-4849\" data-id=\"4849\" data-init-width=\"250\" data-init-height=\"425\" title=\"Trauma Bonding\" loading=\"lazy\" data-width=\"250\" data-height=\"425\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 250 \/ 425;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ecb41d\" mt-d=\"-1.016999999999996\" ml-d=\"0\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"\" data-id=\"4849\" width=\"250\" data-init-width=\"250\" height=\"425\" data-init-height=\"425\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Trauma-Bonding.png.webp\" data-width=\"250\" data-height=\"425\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ecb41d\" mt-d=\"-1.016999999999996\" ml-d=\"0\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 250 \/ 425;\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col c-33\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cab2f6\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1904accd61b\">The Abuse is Covert<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099e\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/covert-abuse\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">Covert Emotional Abuse<\/a> (\u201cCEA\u201d) is the hidden, hard-to-name, repeated behavioral tactics used to manipulate another person and cause harm to their heart and inner emotions.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099e\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">These tactics are hard to describe and name, and are therefore nearly impossible to confront.<br><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a0\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Covert Abuse confuses the victim, causing them to experience profound self-doubt and often question their reality.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a1\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Covert Abuse is intended to exert control over another.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a3\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Being alone as a recipient of the abuse, and the only true witness of it, causes a bewildering inability to sort out one\u2019s traumatic experience.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1904accdf1b\">You May Have Reacted in Ways That Do Not Make You Proud<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18d82e9a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099e\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Another reason victims feel responsible is because they feel ashamed for the ways they reacted to emotional abuse, which were outside their normal character.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099e\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">You may wonder if you were also abusive.<br><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a0\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">These responses are known by professionals as \u201cReactive Abuse.\u201d<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a1\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">MEND refers to it as \u201cReactive Defense,\u201d because those reactions result from involuntary brain responses. These are triggered by recurring and&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/trauma-bonding\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">ongoing trauma<\/a>, which compel the victim to respond in a fight, flight, freeze, or appease mode.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a1\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">You may react strongly (and even aggressively) to the abusive situation.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a1\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">You can learn more about it by reading our <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/reactive-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">blog on Reactive Abuse<\/a>.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a1\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Reactive defense is the body\u2019s natural self-defense mechanism designed to protect you.<br><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a3\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">It is not abuse.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18dd6bfd\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb-resized tcb--cols--2\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80992\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col c-66\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098f\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1904acce83c\">Self-Blame Helps You to See Your Partner in a More Positive Light<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80993\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\">Often, self-blame is not about taking responsibility, but about how abuse victims avoid facing the reality of physical or sexual abuse, or emotionally abusive circumstances they continue to encounter.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80994\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18afe7379ea\" style=\"\">A victim\u2019s constant self-blame is like a \u201creverse psychological projection.\u201d<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18d921c3\" style=\"font-size: 20px !important;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18afe7379ec\" style=\"\">In other words, by blaming themselves they can project their positive traits onto their partner, which they desperately want to believe are true. They desire to believe their partner is good for them and that they love them. When the victim takes responsibility for the relationship\u2019s troubles it allows the victim to believe they can improve their relationship.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col c-33\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f67729a\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f677811\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-clear\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a4\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80997\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-4755\" data-id=\"4755\" data-init-width=\"250\" data-init-height=\"340\" title=\"Woman Walking Away\" loading=\"lazy\" data-width=\"250\" data-height=\"340\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 250 \/ 340;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18c98f33\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"\" data-id=\"4755\" width=\"250\" data-init-width=\"250\" height=\"340\" data-init-height=\"340\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Woman-Walking-Away.png.webp\" data-width=\"250\" data-height=\"340\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18c98f33\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 250 \/ 340;\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e30e76\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80988\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e72a35\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1904accf0e1\">Emotional Abuse Is a Result of the Faulty Mindset and Worldview of the One Causing Harm<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Why your partner chooses to use abusive tactics that harm you has only to do with their own faulty belief systems or thinking patterns. These were developed long before you met and are possibly generational.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18de12dd\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">We call these foundational truths the Pillars of Abuse:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h3 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)     !important;\">1. Entitlement<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18df1451\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">The expectation by the emotional abuser for preferential treatment, double standards, or rewards even when they do not deserve it and regardless of whether it causes harm, or deprives others\u2019 needs or well-being. This entitlement holds a deep-seated belief that boundaries or rules which apply to their partner do not apply to them under any circumstance. The abuser believes they are entitled to be the dominant partner.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h3 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)     !important;\">2. Faulty Belief System<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">This involves the abuser\u2019s moralistic judgments based on limited knowledge, family system, or social bias, which causes them to oppress others. <br><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">For example, gender bias, sexism, or patriarchy can skew the abuser\u2019s belief system\u2014making it very difficult for them to recognize a need to change the behaviors resulting from that system.<br><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18de12dd\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Equality, mutual respect, mutual validation, and reciprocity would indicate a healthy relationship where conflicts are rather peaceful and solutions-oriented.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h3 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)     !important;\">3. Image Management<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Image management is when the abuser will do anything to hide their flaws or insecurities in public and protect their image at any cost, most notably at the expense of the target of their abuse.<br><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">A person\u2019s motivation for covert emotional abuse is to intentionally oppress, power over, and control, while other times their motive is to avoid truly being seen through authentic emotional connections and conversations leading to a secure attachment.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">The emotional abuser is so uncomfortable with emotions they do anything to avoid dealing with their partners\u2019 or their own feelings. And the abuser\u2019s feelings are seriously distorted.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">The faulty thinking and beliefs drive their actions to shut down or block their victim\u2019s authentic attempts to communicate effectively.<br><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18de12dd\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Now, let\u2019s look at some ways to release shame and self-blame.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">How Can You Accept That Abuse Is Not Your Fault?<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18de12dd\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Here are some steps that you can take to create some self-compassion and accept that the abuse is not your fault:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h3 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">1. Acknowledge the Truth<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">So long as you remain in agreement with the lie that the abuse was your fault, it will continue to control you and hinder the healing process.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e4efee\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Acknowledging the truth and recognizing that the abuse is not your fault is the first crucial step in your recovery. To help you accomplish this goal please spend time on our website where you will find the validation you need. Or reach out to a trusted friend who is willing to compassionately listen to your story and communicate that nothing you did deserved to receive the maltreatment you\u2019ve experienced.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h3 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">2. Remember That No Matter How Hard You Tried, You Never Stopped Experiencing Emotional Abuse<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e4efee\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Maybe it subsided for short periods of time, but it never ended. If you were responsible for it, you would have been able to make it stop.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h3 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">3. To Begin Healing, You Need to Adopt the Truth That Your Mistakes Do Not Excuse Their Abuse<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e4efee\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">If you made mistakes, as we all do, abuse is never an appropriate response to them. Responding abusively is a choice, it is not a mistake or accident.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h3 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">4. Stop Telling Yourself That \u201cMaybe You Could Have Stopped It\u201d<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Many victims feel responsible for the abuse because they ignored early red flags, didn\u2019t leave sooner, or weren\u2019t able to make it stop. Many psychological abuse victims don\u2019t realize that what they are encountering is abuse; they lack clarity of what is actually happening and are stuck in prolonged states of stress and confusion.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e4efee\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Whether you ignored the warning signs, shut down your own instincts, or stayed when you should have left does not mean the abuse is your fault.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h3 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">5. Declare Aloud (and Often) That the Abuse Is Not Your Fault, Even if You Don\u2019t Feel That Way on the Inside<\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e7a3f0\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important;\">Make it your daily (maybe even hourly) mantra: <em>\u201cthe abuse was not my fault\u201d<\/em> or <em>\u201cI did not deserve it.\u201d<\/em>\n<em>\u201cI am loveable and deserve to be treated with kindness and mutual respect.\u201d<\/em> It can be very helpful to find a therapist with extensive experience in abuse and trauma to explore why you carry a deficeit of self love. It may have come from childhood experiences you\u2019ve yet to identify. The goal is to firmly believe you deserve better because you are a loveable person.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"font-size: 35px !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)     !important;\">Conclusion<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6706cc\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">Abusers often perpetuate their control by intentionally or unintentionally making victims question, <em>\u201cis it my fault I was abused?\u201d<\/em><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6706d0\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">However, abuse is never the victim's fault.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6706d3\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">On the contrary, covert abuse, a distorted worldview, reactive defense, and familial or social conditioning all contribute to misplaced blame.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6706d5\" style=\"line-height: 1.4em !important;\">However, by shifting a victim\u2019s mindset and accepting the truth that no behavior ever justifies abuse, victims can begin to end abusive cycles.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 15px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 14px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 30px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 7.5px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097b\"] { min-width: auto; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097e\"] { font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8097f\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80980\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 5px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80981\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80982\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80983\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80984\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 10px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80986\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80987\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 25px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80988\"] { padding-top: 0px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098a\"] { margin-bottom: 25px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098c\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098d\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098e\"] { max-width: 100%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8098f\"] { max-width: 65%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80991\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 25px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80992\"] { padding-top: 0px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80993\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 16px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80994\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 16px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80995\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 20px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b80997\"] { width: 250px; --tve-alignment: right; float: right; z-index: 3; position: relative; margin: 0px auto !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099a\"] { font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.4em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099b\"] { font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.4em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099c\"] { font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.4em !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099d\"] { margin-bottom: 25px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b8099e\"] { font-size: 16px !important; line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a0\"] { font-size: 16px !important; line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a1\"] { font-size: 16px !important; line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a3\"] { font-size: 16px !important; line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a4\"]::after { clear: both; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18b809a5\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 20px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cab2f3\"] { max-width: 35%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cab2f6\"] { max-width: 65%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cb3f97\"] { width: 295px; --tve-alignment: left; float: left; z-index: 3; position: relative; margin: 0px auto !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cb3f9b\"]::after { clear: both; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cbe3f0\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 20px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ccb778\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 15px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18d82e9a\"] { margin-bottom: 25px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18d921c3\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 16px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18da998c\"] { max-width: 100%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18dd6bfd\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 25px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18de12dd\"] { font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18df1451\"] { font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e30e76\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e4efee\"] { font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e72a35\"] { max-width: 100%; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e7a3f0\"] { font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e9b497\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e9b49a\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18e9b49c\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ea14e6\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ea14e8\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ea14eb\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ea93dd\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 16px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18eb4375\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 20px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ecb419\"] { width: 250px; --tve-alignment: left; float: left; z-index: 3; position: relative; margin: 0px auto !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ecb419\"] .tve_image_frame { height: 348.5px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18ecb41d\"] { margin-top: -1.017px; margin-left: 0px; width: 100% !important; max-width: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18eda3d0\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6506ee\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6506f0\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6506f3\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6506f5\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6529f4\"] { font-size: 20px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6529fd\"] { font-size: 20px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65a42f\"] { font-size: 20px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d818\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 20px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d81a\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 20px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d81d\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 20px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d81f\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 20px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f65d821\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 20px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6706cc\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6706d0\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6706d3\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f6706d5\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f67729a\"] { max-width: 35%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f677811\"] { justify-content: center !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f678701\"] { max-width: 35%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f678c38\"] { justify-content: center !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18f7f67b2eb\"] { justify-content: center !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-19047483435\"] { margin-top: 0px; margin-left: -1.406px; width: 106% !important; max-width: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18b18cb3f97\"] .tve_image_frame { height: 100%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1894dd61e84\"] { max-width: 1200px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18ced46cebd\"] { max-width: 1200px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1894f68af4e\"] { max-width: 1160px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-19047501fb9\"] { --tcb-applied-color: rgb(201,166,84) !important; color: rgb(201, 166, 84) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-1904accb77c\"] { text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-1904accd61b\"] { text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-1904accdf1b\"] { text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-1904acce83c\"] { text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-1904accf0e1\"] { text-transform: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191bf805050\"] { width: 890px; --tve-applied-width: 890px !important; }}@media (max-width: 1023px){.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 10px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 20px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 20px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(100% + 0px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+2) { margin-top: 14px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+2)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n)) { margin-right: 30px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1894dd61e84\"] { max-width: 711px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18ced46cebd\"] { max-width: 711px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1894f68af4e\"] { max-width: 671px; }}@media (max-width: 767px){.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 7.5px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 15px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(2n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(100% + 0px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+2) { margin-top: 14px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+2)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n)) { margin-right: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1894dd61e84\"] { max-width: 303px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18ced46cebd\"] { max-width: 303px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1894f68af4e\"] { max-width: 303px; }}","tve_user_custom_css":"","tve_globals":{"e":"1","font_cls":[]},"tcb2_ready":1,"tcb_editor_enabled":1,"tve_landing_page":"","_tve_header":"","_tve_footer":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5776","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-category-blog","post-wrapper","thrv_wrapper"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Discover how covert emotional abuse, conditioning, and faulty mindsets contribute to misplaced blame. This article empowers victims to appropriate healing steps.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"es_ES\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Discover how covert emotional abuse, conditioning, and faulty mindsets contribute to misplaced blame. This article empowers victims to appropriate healing steps.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Mend Project\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/themendproject\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-09-13T12:08:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-03-11T18:25:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"811\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"479\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"The MEND Project\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@TheM3NDProject\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@TheM3NDProject\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Escrito por\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"The MEND Project\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Tiempo de lectura\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"11 minutos\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"The MEND Project\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/e6134baabd62e71ccff6699e1cfe363a\"},\"headline\":\"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-09-13T12:08:48+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-03-11T18:25:03+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":1880,\"commentCount\":6,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2023\\\/09\\\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png\",\"articleSection\":[\"Blog\"],\"inLanguage\":\"es\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/\",\"name\":\"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2023\\\/09\\\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-09-13T12:08:48+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-03-11T18:25:03+00:00\",\"description\":\"Discover how covert emotional abuse, conditioning, and faulty mindsets contribute to misplaced blame. This article empowers victims to appropriate healing steps.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"es\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"es\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2023\\\/09\\\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2023\\\/09\\\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png\",\"width\":811,\"height\":479,\"caption\":\"the-mend-not-your-fault\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/\",\"name\":\"The Mend Project\",\"description\":\"Our vision is to end Double Abuse\u00ae\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"es\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/#organization\",\"name\":\"The M3ND Project\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"es\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/logo\\\/image\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2016\\\/09\\\/mendlogo.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2016\\\/09\\\/mendlogo.jpg\",\"width\":400,\"height\":120,\"caption\":\"The M3ND Project\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/logo\\\/image\\\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.facebook.com\\\/themendproject\\\/\",\"https:\\\/\\\/x.com\\\/TheM3NDProject\",\"https:\\\/\\\/www.instagram.com\\\/themendproject\\\/\",\"https:\\\/\\\/www.linkedin.com\\\/company\\\/the-mend-project\\\/\",\"https:\\\/\\\/www.pinterest.com\\\/themendproject\\\/\",\"https:\\\/\\\/www.youtube.com\\\/channel\\\/UCV-lng7XKzGomtYw3tpBHBQ\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/staging.themendproject.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/e6134baabd62e71ccff6699e1cfe363a\",\"name\":\"The MEND Project\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer","description":"Discover how covert emotional abuse, conditioning, and faulty mindsets contribute to misplaced blame. This article empowers victims to appropriate healing steps.","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"og_locale":"es_ES","og_type":"article","og_title":"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer","og_description":"Discover how covert emotional abuse, conditioning, and faulty mindsets contribute to misplaced blame. This article empowers victims to appropriate healing steps.","og_url":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/","og_site_name":"The Mend Project","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/themendproject\/","article_published_time":"2023-09-13T12:08:48+00:00","article_modified_time":"2026-03-11T18:25:03+00:00","og_image":[{"width":811,"height":479,"url":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png","type":"image\/png"}],"author":"The MEND Project","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@TheM3NDProject","twitter_site":"@TheM3NDProject","twitter_misc":{"Escrito por":"The MEND Project","Tiempo de lectura":"11 minutos"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/"},"author":{"name":"The MEND Project","@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/#\/schema\/person\/e6134baabd62e71ccff6699e1cfe363a"},"headline":"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer","datePublished":"2023-09-13T12:08:48+00:00","dateModified":"2026-03-11T18:25:03+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/"},"wordCount":1880,"commentCount":6,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png","articleSection":["Blog"],"inLanguage":"es","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/","url":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/","name":"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png","datePublished":"2023-09-13T12:08:48+00:00","dateModified":"2026-03-11T18:25:03+00:00","description":"Discover how covert emotional abuse, conditioning, and faulty mindsets contribute to misplaced blame. This article empowers victims to appropriate healing steps.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"es","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"es","@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/the-mend-not-your-fault.png","width":811,"height":479,"caption":"the-mend-not-your-fault"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/abuse-is-never-the-victims-fault\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Is It My Fault I Was Abused? Learn Why \u2018No\u2019 Is the True Answer"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/","name":"The Mend Project","description":"Our vision is to end Double Abuse\u00ae","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"es"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/#organization","name":"The M3ND Project","url":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"es","@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/mendlogo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/mendlogo.jpg","width":400,"height":120,"caption":"The M3ND Project"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/themendproject\/","https:\/\/x.com\/TheM3NDProject","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/themendproject\/","https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/the-mend-project\/","https:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/themendproject\/","https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCV-lng7XKzGomtYw3tpBHBQ"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/#\/schema\/person\/e6134baabd62e71ccff6699e1cfe363a","name":"El Proyecto MEND"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5776","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5776"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5776\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12585,"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5776\/revisions\/12585"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7751"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5776"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5776"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5776"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}