{"id":4248,"date":"2023-02-02T15:50:31","date_gmt":"2023-02-02T23:50:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=4248"},"modified":"2026-03-11T11:21:02","modified_gmt":"2026-03-11T18:21:02","slug":"mutual-abuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/mutual-abuse\/","title":{"rendered":"Reactive Defense: Understanding the Fallacy of Mutual Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"\">There\u2019s been significant debate and public discussion about the term \u2018mutual abuse,\u2019 which has been used to conclude that some situations of domestic violence, psychological or physical, are actually <em>mutually abusive<\/em> with <em>both<\/em> partners being equally responsible\u2014with both being aggressors and victims.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><em>But does mutual abuse exist?<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"\">In this article, we\u2019re going to:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"\">Debunk the myth about the concept of the <em>mutually abusive relationship<\/em><\/li>\n<li style=\"\">Explore other explanations for what\u2019s really happening<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">Discuss why people stay in these relationships<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">Uncover how complicated it is for responders to understand what\u2019s really going on&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"\">We\u2019ll also examine how to distinguish domestic abuse from situational violence, and look at some things that abuse victims can do to protect themselves from blame when they respond in defense.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">OK, let\u2019s get started.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\">What Do People Mean When They Say \u201cMutual Abuse?\u201d<\/h2>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">The phrase \u201cmutual abuse\u201d is used when it appears that both people in a relationship are both instigators <em>y<\/em> recipients of violent acts.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">When referring to a relationship as \u201cmutually abusive,\u201d the assumption is made that both people in the couple are abusers, and that both are also victims.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">But this is not true. And here\u2019s why. <\/span><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"line-height: 1em !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\">Is Mutual Abuse Real?<\/h2>\n<p style=\"\"><em><span style=\"\">In a relationship, can both partners be abusive?<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">The phrase \u201cmutual abuse\u201d is deceptive, and inaccurately describes any form of emotional or physical relationship abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">Professionals who are experts in the field of domestic violence as well as the National Domestic Violence Hotline agree that there is no such thing as mutual abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">It simply doesn\u2019t exist.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><span style=\"\">But to be fair, an unhealthy or abusive relationship&nbsp;<em>can be incredibly confusing to the people in the relationship&nbsp;<\/em>\u2014 as well as to those on the outside.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\"><span style=\"\">Even though there\u2019s only one abuser and one victim in an abusive relationship, this doesn\u2019t mean that the victim never lashes out aggressively.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\"><span style=\"\">To the outsider who comes upon the scene in which both people have been hurt by the other person\u2019s violence, it\u2019s natural (or at least it\u2019s much easier) to conclude they\u2019re both equally at fault.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\"><span style=\"\">But this logic, once again, is wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\"><span style=\"\">Tragically, this faulty conclusion can cause responders and those who <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/how-to-help-someone-being-abused\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">wish to lend assistance from the outside<\/a> to wash their hands of the couple and walk away, leaving the real victim without a life vest. Or when the victim reacts in any way that may be interpreted by law enforcement as physical, such as pushing an abuser out of the way who is blocking access for the victim to escape. In these scenarios, it is often the victim who gets arrested and is then mischaracterized in court documents,<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"line-height: 1em !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">Incorrect Conclusions of Mutual Abuse<\/h2>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">As we stated previously, mutual abuse implies an equal abuser\/victim role for each person in the relationship.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">To accomplish this, the power distribution between them needs to be close to equal, which is not what happens in a domestic violence situation.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">Relationship abuse is all about <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/power-and-control-wheel\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">power and control<\/a>, with the abuser being intent upon obtaining as much dominance as they can to tip the balance in their favor.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">The offender\u2019s primary motive, whether or not they are aware of it, is to have all of the control in the relationship.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">They feel they deserve to dominate and control\u2014and when the victim does not comply, control is one way they <em>deflect attention away from their own faults and place responsibility for the conflict onto the victim.<\/em><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">Is Domestic Abuse Different From \u201cMutual Abuse?\u201d<\/h2>\n<p style=\"\">In order for the abuser to prevail in their pursuit for total control, a regular pattern of various forms of abusive behaviors and tactics take place repeatedly over time\u2014with the victim\u2019s power weakening progressively.<\/p>\n<p style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\"><strong>The simple truth of the matter is that there\u2019s only one aggressor in every case of domestic abuse.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Both people in any relationship can exhibit unhealthy behaviors. But when the relationship is abusive, one person will always invariably have more control than the other\u2014and the abuser\u2019s mindset, faulty thinking, and beliefs differ greatly from the victim\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">\u201cMutual abuse,\u201d by the definition it\u2019s been given, doesn\u2019t account for this.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">The typical definition of mutual abuse also fails to answer the question about <em>why<\/em>, if there\u2019s only one aggressor, you might witness a situation where both people in a couple have used some form of violence against the other in a single moment.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">The truth of the matter is that when the victim lashes out verbally or physically, it is usually because this same victim\u2014this person who\u2019s been repeatedly targeted with <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/emotional-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">overt or covert emotional abuse<\/a> or physical attacks\u2014is highly traumatized and is acting in self-defense.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">Reactive Defense Is Not Mutual Abuse Either<\/h2>\n<p style=\"\">Professionals refer to reactive defense as \u2018<a href=\"\/es\/reactive-abuse\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">reactive abuse<\/a> \u2019<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">But we call it \u2018reactive defense.\u2019<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">\u2018Reactive abuse\u2019 is as much of a misnomer as \u2018mutual abuse.\u2019<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">The abuse isn\u2019t mutual when the one without equal power reacts in defense of the abuse by the one who holds the power.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">REACTIVE DEFENSE IS NOT MUTUAL ABUSE EITHER<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Professionals refer to reactive defense as \u2018<a href=\"\/es\/reactive-abuse\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">reactive abuse<\/a> \u2019<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">But we call it \u2018reactive defense.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Reactive abuse\u2019 is as much of a misnomer as \u2018mutual abuse.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>The abuse isn\u2019t mutual when the one without equal power reacts in defense of the abuse by the one who holds the power.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Reactive defense is a victim\u2019s natural and involuntary reaction to their partner\u2019s emotional, physical, sexual, or even economic abuse. It\u2019s the brain\u2019s way of protecting the victim from the recurring oppression or emotional or physical violence directed toward them.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">The response happens so quickly and without forethought that the victim is often surprised to see themself reacting harshly, rather than responding in a controlled manner. In turn, the abuser blames the victim and the victim feels intense misplaced guilt spurned on by this blame.<\/p>\n<p style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\"><strong>Self-defense is not abuse, even if it\u2019s violent.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"\">The dynamic of reactive \u201cabuse\u201d stems from the initial trauma caused by the original abuse, and how it repeats itself and escalates over time.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">While the relationship may be \u2018volatile\u2019 or involve frequent conflict, that also does not mean that it is mutually abusive.<\/p>\n<p style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\"><strong>Instead, it literally means that the victim is fighting for their life.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"\">When others, or even the victim themself, refer to this type of situation as \u2018mutual abuse,\u2019 it intensifies the feelings of fear and uncertainty about their situation.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">If domestic abuse were properly understood, most would agree that <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">reactive defense is a traumatic involuntary reaction<\/span><\/strong>, and that it isn\u2019t the same thing as being abusive.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">Situational Violence Is Not Domestic Abuse<\/h2>\n<p style=\"\">Referring back to mutual abuse and those situations where both people in a relationship are violent with each other, and the violence is <em>not defensive<\/em>. What is it?<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">This often falls into the category of something called \u201csituational violence.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">This is not domestic violence or abuse.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">In cases of situational violence, which may occur within a relationship, the power and control dynamics are missing\u2014as is the pattern of abusive violence.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">\u201cSituational violence\u201d within a relationship does not happen regularly.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Situational violence occurs when both people are accustomed to responding to conflict with violence. Usually, it\u2019s in response to a specific situation.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">It is not about power and control, and contains no pattern to support it.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">It\u2019s a violent exchange or conflict.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">It\u2019s unhealthy and dangerous, but it does not fall within the definition of domestic violence.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Unlike situational couple violence, domestic abuse includes ongoing tactics of manipulation, power, and control by the abusive partner that reoccur in-between any violent outbursts.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">In addition, situational couple violence doesn\u2019t usually have the same impact on the individual that domestic violence has, which often results in long-term psychological and subsequent physiological harm.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">How Do Responders Tell the Difference Between Situational Violence and Domestic Violence?<\/h2>\n<p style=\"\">So back to the couple wherein both individuals are being hurt by the other\u2019s violent acts.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">How do you tell the difference between <em>domestic abuse and situational violence<\/em>, particularly if you\u2019re a first responder\u2014such as a police officer or paramedic?<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Here are 3 steps that you can take to properly identify the situation.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">1. Look For More<\/h2>\n<p style=\"\"><em>Look for more.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"\">To be fair, police officers may need to react based on mandatory arrest laws based on the limited information they have.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Often, both people admit to hurting the other, requiring the officers to respond a certain way.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">If it isn\u2019t clear that someone is acting in self-defense, it\u2019s difficult to discern who the primary aggressor is.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><em>Victims who react by pushing away their partner who is raging at them are often labeled the aggressor.<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">This is especially true when the victim is confused by their own response and might not yet identify as a victim of abuse.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">They may apologize profusely for their reactions while failing to explain clearly to responders the sequence of abusive events which compelled such a strong act of self-defense.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">To figure it out, the responder must look for more.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">2. Gain a Deeper Understanding of Domestic Abuse<\/h2>\n<p style=\"\">Knowing what to look for requires a better understanding of the dynamics of abusive relationships, including psychologically abusive dynamics, which over time may cause the victim to defend themself with violent responses.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">To the brain, long-term psychological abuse is similar to a physically abusive relationship, because of how it attacks the victim\u2019s emotional identity and physical well-being.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">With that understanding, responders will find it helpful to ask more targeted questions of each person separately.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">It helps to ask each person questions about the relationship\u2019s history and the sequence of events that led to the current violent altercation.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Asking questions about the environment in the home may reveal one person as the dominant aggressor over the other.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">The challenge in doing this \u201cat the scene\u201d is that a victim will likely be in a trauma state and triggered by the event\u2014and as a result, they might be unable to respond intelligibly to such questions.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Women and men remain in violent relationships for a variety of reasons, which might be hard to grasp as an outsider.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">But an inability to understand why they remain in the relationship shouldn\u2019t hinder responders from doing everything they can to help.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><em>Go deeper in your knowledge by joining our <\/em><a href=\"\/es\/mend-trainings\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\"><em>course for responders<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">3. Learn About Trauma and PTSD Symptoms<\/h2>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">A deeper understanding of the signs of trauma and PTSD can also help those responding as they seek to evaluate what\u2019s really happening.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">Screaming, crying, or raging by one person might be in response to incessant emotional terror from their partner.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">For example:<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">Consistent demeaning, degrading, or manipulative comments and actions directed at the victim will eventually break them down. Then, when the victim breaks, the abuser presses \u201crecord\u201d on their phone and uses the video or audio to shift the blame for the violence onto the victim.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">All of this can make the victim look like the aggressor if the responder does not carefully evaluate the situation.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">What if You Are a Victim of Domestic Violence Who Acts Out Violently? What Should You Do?<\/h2>\n<p style=\"\">While it might seem impossible during high-stress moments, try to exercise some grounding techniques and remain as calm as you can when being questioned.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Hopefully, prior to the altercation, you have been recording abusive behavior you\u2019ve experienced over time.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">If so, share it with the responders.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Try not to simplify the altercation as just a \u201cfight.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Pause before answering, and think back to what led to the violence.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">What if You Are a Victim of Domestic Violence Who Acts Out Violently? What Should You Do?<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">While it might seem impossible during high-stress moments, try to exercise some grounding techniques and remain as calm as you can when being questioned.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Hopefully, prior to the altercation, you have been recording abusive behavior you\u2019ve experienced over time.<\/p>\n<p>If so, share it with the responders.<\/p>\n<p>Try not to simplify the altercation as just a \u201cfight.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Pause before answering, and think back to what led to the violence.<\/p>\n<p>Then, communicate the abuse that happened before you acted in defense.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s essential to point out that&nbsp;<em>you responded to abuse or violence<\/em>, and that&nbsp;<em>you didn\u2019t instigate it<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Although these are helpful suggestions, it\u2019s crucial to recognize that victims in these situations are highly traumatized, which causes them to freeze at the moment, appear emotionally unstable, be unable to communicate clearly, and\/or to even remember the sequence of escalating events. These internal responses are trauma-based.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">This is a result of the PTSD or other trauma symptoms they experience.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">PTSD can hinder cognition, memory, and the ability to communicate sequentially.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">If this happens to you, have grace for yourself. Wait a few days, and when you are calm and your brain begins to remember, write down all of the important events and update the responders with the new information.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">If you are confused about psychological abuse and reactive violence, you can find clarity by reviewing free downloads and workshops recordings of our <a href=\"\/es\/resources\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">comprehensive terms and definitions<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">Using the proper terminology and language explained in those tools to describe your experiences makes you a more credible witness, while also allowing you to better advocate for yourself.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">For even deeper learning, <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/find-clarity-and-healing-course\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">join our course<\/a>, Finding Clarity and Healing in Difficult, Confusing, or Abusive Relationships.&nbsp;<span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\"> <\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\">We also encourage you to talk to a qualified <a href=\"\/es\/therapist-for-relationships\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">trauma-informed therapist<\/a>, or a community service agency specializing in domestic abuse.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"\">You deserve the healing that these places can help you achieve.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There\u2019s been significant debate and public discussion about the term \u2018mutual abuse,\u2019 which has been used to conclude that some situations of domestic violence, psychological or physical, are actually mutually abusive with both partners being equally responsible\u2014with both being aggressors and victims. But does mutual abuse exist? In this article, we\u2019re going to: Debunk the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":11152,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-page-section tve-height-update\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-out\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-in tve_empty_dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a0ec1e547\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe6832b7\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe683998\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe6c3144\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe69b529\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe64d8cb\" style=\"\">There\u2019s been significant debate and public discussion about the term \u2018mutual abuse,\u2019 which has been used to conclude that some situations of domestic violence, psychological or physical, are actually <em>mutually abusive<\/em> with <em>both<\/em> partners being equally responsible\u2014with both being aggressors and victims.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe64d8cd\" style=\"\"><em>But does mutual abuse exist?<\/em><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe64d8ce\" style=\"\">In this article, we\u2019re going to:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li data-css=\"tve-u-18afe64d8d0\" style=\"\">Debunk the myth about the concept of the <em>mutually abusive relationship<\/em><\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18afe64d8d1\" style=\"\">Explore other explanations for what\u2019s really happening<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18afe64d8d2\" style=\"\">Discuss why people stay in these relationships<\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18afe64d8d4\" style=\"\">Uncover how complicated it is for responders to understand what\u2019s really going on&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe64d8d5\" style=\"\">We\u2019ll also examine how to distinguish domestic abuse from situational violence, and look at some things that abuse victims can do to protect themselves from blame when they respond in defense.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe64d8d6\" style=\"\">OK, let\u2019s get started.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24acc1c\">What Do People Mean When They Say \u201cMutual Abuse?\u201d<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe6c0229\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24b4043\" style=\"\">The phrase \u201cmutual abuse\u201d is used when it appears that both people in a relationship are both instigators <em>and<\/em> recipients of violent acts.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe6c022b\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24b4046\" style=\"\">When referring to a relationship as \u201cmutually abusive,\u201d the assumption is made that both people in the couple are abusers, and that both are also victims.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe6c022c\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24b4048\" style=\"\">But this is not true. And here\u2019s why. <\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b6a3d9\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b6da1c\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b5605a\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"line-height: 1em !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24bf808\">Is Mutual Abuse Real?<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918e8f1c0f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe738afa\" style=\"\"><em><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24d86d1\" style=\"\">In a relationship, can both partners be abusive?<\/span><\/em><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe738afc\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24d86d4\" style=\"\">The phrase \u201cmutual abuse\u201d is deceptive, and inaccurately describes any form of emotional or physical relationship abuse.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe738afd\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24d86d6\" style=\"\">Professionals who are experts in the field of domestic violence as well as the National Domestic Violence Hotline agree that there is no such thing as mutual abuse.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe900eb3\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24d86d8\" style=\"\">It simply doesn\u2019t exist.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe900eb3\" style=\"\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24d86d8\" style=\"\">But to be fair, an unhealthy or abusive relationship&nbsp;<em>can be incredibly confusing to the people in the relationship&nbsp;<\/em>\u2014 as well as to those on the outside.<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe76be61\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe76c2fb\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe768d55\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe738b02\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24e2fcf\" style=\"\">Even though there\u2019s only one abuser and one victim in an abusive relationship, this doesn\u2019t mean that the victim never lashes out aggressively.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe738b03\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24e2fd1\" style=\"\">To the outsider who comes upon the scene in which both people have been hurt by the other person\u2019s violence, it\u2019s natural (or at least it\u2019s much easier) to conclude they\u2019re both equally at fault.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe738b04\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24e2fd3\" style=\"\">But this logic, once again, is wrong.<\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe738b06\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24e2fd6\" style=\"\">Tragically, this faulty conclusion can cause responders and those who <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/how-to-help-someone-being-abused\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\">wish to lend assistance from the outside<\/a> to wash their hands of the couple and walk away, leaving the real victim without a life vest. Or when the victim reacts in any way that may be interpreted by law enforcement as physical, such as pushing an abuser out of the way who is blocking access for the victim to escape. In these scenarios, it is often the victim who gets arrested and is then mischaracterized in court documents,<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe6832b7\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe683998\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918e91728d\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"line-height: 1em !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24e7bbd\">Incorrect Conclusions of Mutual Abuse<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe83a08e\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe82e69e\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">As we stated previously, mutual abuse implies an equal abuser\/victim role for each person in the relationship.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe82e6a0\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">To accomplish this, the power distribution between them needs to be close to equal, which is not what happens in a domestic violence situation.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe82e6a1\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">Relationship abuse is all about <a class=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/power-and-control-wheel\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\">power and control<\/a>, with the abuser being intent upon obtaining as much dominance as they can to tip the balance in their favor.&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe82e6a3\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">The offender\u2019s primary motive, whether or not they are aware of it, is to have all of the control in the relationship.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe82e6a4\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">They feel they deserve to dominate and control\u2014and when the victim does not comply, control is one way they <em>deflect attention away from their own faults and place responsibility for the conflict onto the victim.<\/em><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24ebe54\">Is Domestic Abuse Different From \u201cMutual Abuse?\u201d<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b933ee\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8412ff\" style=\"\">In order for the abuser to prevail in their pursuit for total control, a regular pattern of various forms of abusive behaviors and tactics take place repeatedly over time\u2014with the victim\u2019s power weakening progressively.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe841301\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\"><strong>The simple truth of the matter is that there\u2019s only one aggressor in every case of domestic abuse.<\/strong><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe841303\" style=\"\">Both people in any relationship can exhibit unhealthy behaviors. But when the relationship is abusive, one person will always invariably have more control than the other\u2014and the abuser\u2019s mindset, faulty thinking, and beliefs differ greatly from the victim\u2019s.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe841304\" style=\"\">\u201cMutual abuse,\u201d by the definition it\u2019s been given, doesn\u2019t account for this.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe841306\" style=\"\">The typical definition of mutual abuse also fails to answer the question about <em>why<\/em>, if there\u2019s only one aggressor, you might witness a situation where both people in a couple have used some form of violence against the other in a single moment.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe841307\" style=\"\">The truth of the matter is that when the victim lashes out verbally or physically, it is usually because this same victim\u2014this person who\u2019s been repeatedly targeted with <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/emotional-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">overt or covert emotional abuse<\/a> or physical attacks\u2014is highly traumatized and is acting in self-defense.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns tcb-tablet-hidden\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918e936ad9\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c7e346\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b8d4b5\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c8178a\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c7f614\" style=\"\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24f4af0\">Reactive Defense Is Not Mutual Abuse Either<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0568\" style=\"\">Professionals refer to reactive defense as \u2018<a href=\"\/reactive-abuse\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\">reactive abuse<\/a> \u2019<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a056a\" style=\"\">But we call it \u2018reactive defense.\u2019<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a056c\" style=\"\">\u2018Reactive abuse\u2019 is as much of a misnomer as \u2018mutual abuse.\u2019<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a056d\" style=\"\">The abuse isn\u2019t mutual when the one without equal power reacts in defense of the abuse by the one who holds the power.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns tcb-mobile-hidden tcb-desktop-hidden\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 0;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b8464a\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb-resized tcb--cols--2\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8b1952\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b792a5\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b7ed9b\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c5e127\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b8eb08\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c12427\" style=\"\">REACTIVE DEFENSE IS NOT MUTUAL ABUSE EITHER<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0568\" style=\"\">Professionals refer to reactive defense as \u2018<a href=\"\/reactive-abuse\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\">reactive abuse<\/a> \u2019<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a056a\" style=\"\">But we call it \u2018reactive defense.\u2019<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8b99e2\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8b9cbc\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element tcb-desktop-hidden tcb-mobile-hidden\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a056c\">\u2018Reactive abuse\u2019 is as much of a misnomer as \u2018mutual abuse.\u2019<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a056d\">The abuse isn\u2019t mutual when the one without equal power reacts in defense of the abuse by the one who holds the power.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0568\" style=\"\">Reactive defense is a victim\u2019s natural and involuntary reaction to their partner\u2019s emotional, physical, sexual, or even economic abuse. It\u2019s the brain\u2019s way of protecting the victim from the recurring oppression or emotional or physical violence directed toward them.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe924143\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0570\" style=\"\">The response happens so quickly and without forethought that the victim is often surprised to see themself reacting harshly, rather than responding in a controlled manner. In turn, the abuser blames the victim and the victim feels intense misplaced guilt spurned on by this blame.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0572\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\"><strong>Self-defense is not abuse, even if it\u2019s violent.<\/strong><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0573\" style=\"\">The dynamic of reactive \u201cabuse\u201d stems from the initial trauma caused by the original abuse, and how it repeats itself and escalates over time.&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0574\" style=\"\">While the relationship may be \u2018volatile\u2019 or involve frequent conflict, that also does not mean that it is mutually abusive.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0576\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39)  !important;\"><strong>Instead, it literally means that the victim is fighting for their life.<\/strong><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0577\" style=\"\">When others, or even the victim themself, refer to this type of situation as \u2018mutual abuse,\u2019 it intensifies the feelings of fear and uncertainty about their situation.&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0579\" style=\"\">If domestic abuse were properly understood, most would agree that <strong><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918e9bab49\">reactive defense is a traumatic involuntary reaction<\/span><\/strong>, and that it isn\u2019t the same thing as being abusive.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24fcaa3\">Situational Violence Is Not Domestic Abuse<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe94569c\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffbd\" style=\"\">Referring back to mutual abuse and those situations where both people in a relationship are violent with each other, and the violence is <em>not defensive<\/em>. What is it?<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffbf\" style=\"\">This often falls into the category of something called \u201csituational violence.\u201d<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc1\" style=\"\">This is not domestic violence or abuse.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc2\" style=\"\">In cases of situational violence, which may occur within a relationship, the power and control dynamics are missing\u2014as is the pattern of abusive violence.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc3\" style=\"\">\u201cSituational violence\u201d within a relationship does not happen regularly.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc5\" style=\"\">Situational violence occurs when both people are accustomed to responding to conflict with violence. Usually, it\u2019s in response to a specific situation.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc6\" style=\"\">It is not about power and control, and contains no pattern to support it.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc8\" style=\"\">It\u2019s a violent exchange or conflict.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc9\" style=\"\">It\u2019s unhealthy and dangerous, but it does not fall within the definition of domestic violence.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffca\" style=\"\">Unlike situational couple violence, domestic abuse includes ongoing tactics of manipulation, power, and control by the abusive partner that reoccur in-between any violent outbursts.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffcc\" style=\"\">In addition, situational couple violence doesn\u2019t usually have the same impact on the individual that domestic violence has, which often results in long-term psychological and subsequent physiological harm.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd2502075\">How Do Responders Tell the Difference Between Situational Violence and Domestic Violence?<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9493c9\" style=\"\">So back to the couple wherein both individuals are being hurt by the other\u2019s violent acts.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9493ca\" style=\"\">How do you tell the difference between <em>domestic abuse and situational violence<\/em>, particularly if you\u2019re a first responder\u2014such as a police officer or paramedic?<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9493cc\" style=\"\">Here are 3 steps that you can take to properly identify the situation.&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe7185be\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe719ecd\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe714c3c\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd2505f1f\">1. Look For More<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9bb21d8\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b06\" style=\"\"><em>Look for more.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b09\" style=\"\">To be fair, police officers may need to react based on mandatory arrest laws based on the limited information they have.&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b0a\" style=\"\">Often, both people admit to hurting the other, requiring the officers to respond a certain way.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b0c\" style=\"\">If it isn\u2019t clear that someone is acting in self-defense, it\u2019s difficult to discern who the primary aggressor is.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns tcb-tablet-hidden\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1078;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c9e58d\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c91e47\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918e9ed5ba\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c935f2\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1068;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe99a2d7\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--1\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe99a641\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd250afe8\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b06\" style=\"\"><em>Victims who react by pushing away their partner who is raging at them are often labeled the aggressor.<\/em><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9de32b\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b10\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">This is especially true when the victim is confused by their own response and might not yet identify as a victim of abuse.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b11\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">They may apologize profusely for their reactions while failing to explain clearly to responders the sequence of abusive events which compelled such a strong act of self-defense.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b13\" style=\"\">To figure it out, the responder must look for more.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd250bf2c\">2. Gain a Deeper Understanding of Domestic Abuse<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9fe6ef\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca1\" style=\"\">Knowing what to look for requires a better understanding of the dynamics of abusive relationships, including psychologically abusive dynamics, which over time may cause the victim to defend themself with violent responses.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca3\" style=\"\">To the brain, long-term psychological abuse is similar to a physically abusive relationship, because of how it attacks the victim\u2019s emotional identity and physical well-being.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca5\" style=\"\">With that understanding, responders will find it helpful to ask more targeted questions of each person separately.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca6\" style=\"\">It helps to ask each person questions about the relationship\u2019s history and the sequence of events that led to the current violent altercation.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca8\" style=\"\">Asking questions about the environment in the home may reveal one person as the dominant aggressor over the other.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca9\" style=\"\">The challenge in doing this \u201cat the scene\u201d is that a victim will likely be in a trauma state and triggered by the event\u2014and as a result, they might be unable to respond intelligibly to such questions.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8cab\" style=\"\">Women and men remain in violent relationships for a variety of reasons, which might be hard to grasp as an outsider.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8cac\" style=\"\">But an inability to understand why they remain in the relationship shouldn\u2019t hinder responders from doing everything they can to help.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8cae\" style=\"\"><em>Go deeper in your knowledge by joining our <\/em><a class=\"\" href=\"\/mend-trainings\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\"><em>course for responders<\/em><\/a><em>.<\/em><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd251b373\">3. Learn About Trauma and PTSD Symptoms<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e91\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">A deeper understanding of the signs of trauma and PTSD can also help those responding as they seek to evaluate what\u2019s really happening.&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e93\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">Screaming, crying, or raging by one person might be in response to incessant emotional terror from their partner.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e95\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">For example:<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e96\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">Consistent demeaning, degrading, or manipulative comments and actions directed at the victim will eventually break them down. Then, when the victim breaks, the abuser presses \u201crecord\u201d on their phone and uses the video or audio to shift the blame for the violence onto the victim.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e98\" style=\"line-height: 1.6em !important;\">All of this can make the victim look like the aggressor if the responder does not carefully evaluate the situation.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><h2 class=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd251f446\" style=\"color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important;\">What if You Are a Victim of Domestic Violence Who Acts Out Violently? What Should You Do?<\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7b8\" style=\"\">While it might seem impossible during high-stress moments, try to exercise some grounding techniques and remain as calm as you can when being questioned.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7ba\" style=\"\">Hopefully, prior to the altercation, you have been recording abusive behavior you\u2019ve experienced over time.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7bc\" style=\"\">If so, share it with the responders.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7be\" style=\"\">Try not to simplify the altercation as just a \u201cfight.\u201d<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7bf\" style=\"\">Pause before answering, and think back to what led to the violence.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns tcb-mobile-hidden tcb-desktop-hidden\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 0;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8b1681\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb-resized tcb--cols--2\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8b1952\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c33355\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9bd8db2\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe877884\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9bdd410\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c73442\" style=\"\">What if You Are a Victim of Domestic Violence Who Acts Out Violently? What Should You Do?<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7b8\" style=\"\">While it might seem impossible during high-stress moments, try to exercise some grounding techniques and remain as calm as you can when being questioned.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7ba\" style=\"\">Hopefully, prior to the altercation, you have been recording abusive behavior you\u2019ve experienced over time.<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element tcb-mobile-hidden tcb-desktop-hidden\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7bc\">If so, share it with the responders.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7be\">Try not to simplify the altercation as just a \u201cfight.\u201d<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7bf\">Pause before answering, and think back to what led to the violence.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c1\">Then, communicate the abuse that happened before you acted in defense.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c1\">It\u2019s essential to point out that&nbsp;<em>you responded to abuse or violence<\/em>, and that&nbsp;<em>you didn\u2019t instigate it<\/em>.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-18afe5acbaa\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c4\" style=\"\">Although these are helpful suggestions, it\u2019s crucial to recognize that victims in these situations are highly traumatized, which causes them to freeze at the moment, appear emotionally unstable, be unable to communicate clearly, and\/or to even remember the sequence of escalating events. These internal responses are trauma-based.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c5\" style=\"\">This is a result of the PTSD or other trauma symptoms they experience.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c7\" style=\"\">PTSD can hinder cognition, memory, and the ability to communicate sequentially.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c9\" style=\"\">If this happens to you, have grace for yourself. Wait a few days, and when you are calm and your brain begins to remember, write down all of the important events and update the responders with the new information.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7ca\" style=\"\">If you are confused about psychological abuse and reactive violence, you can find clarity by reviewing free downloads and workshops recordings of our <a href=\"\/resources\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\">comprehensive terms and definitions<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7cc\" style=\"\">Using the proper terminology and language explained in those tools to describe your experiences makes you a more credible witness, while also allowing you to better advocate for yourself.<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7cd\" style=\"\">For even deeper learning, <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/find-clarity-and-healing-course\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\">join our course<\/a>, Finding Clarity and Healing in Difficult, Confusing, or Abusive Relationships.&nbsp;<span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1918ea14c77\"> <\/span><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7d0\" style=\"\">We also encourage you to talk to a qualified <a href=\"\/therapist-for-relationships\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\">trauma-informed therapist<\/a>, or a community service agency specializing in domestic abuse.&nbsp;<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7d2\" style=\"\">You deserve the healing that these places can help you achieve.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrive_leads_shortcode\"><div class=\"thrive-shortcode-config\" style=\"display: none !important;\">__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__{\"id\":\"6557\"}__CONFIG_leads_shortcode__<\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 15px); 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margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0572\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0573\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0574\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0576\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0577\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe8a0579\"] { font-size: 20px !important; 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margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc1\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc2\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc3\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc5\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc6\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc8\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffc9\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffca\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe93ffcc\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18afe94569c\"] { margin-bottom: 25px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9493c9\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9493ca\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9493cc\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b06\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b09\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b0a\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b0c\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b10\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b11\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.4em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe971b13\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18afe99a2d7\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 25px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18afe99a641\"] { padding-top: 0px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9de32b\"] { margin-bottom: 25px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca1\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca3\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca5\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca6\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca8\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8ca9\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8cab\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8cac\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9f8cae\"] { font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18afe9fe6ef\"] { margin-bottom: 25px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e91\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e93\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e95\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e96\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea02e98\"] { line-height: 1.4em !important; font-size: 20px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7b8\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7ba\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7bc\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7be\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7bf\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c1\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c4\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c5\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c7\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7c9\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7ca\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7cc\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7cd\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7d0\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18afea2f7d2\"] { font-size: 20px !important; line-height: 1.6em !important; padding-bottom: 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24acc1c\"] { font-size: 33px !important; line-height: 1em !important; color: rgb(116, 93, 39) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; --tve-applied-color: rgb(116,93,39) !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24bf808\"] { font-size: 33px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24e7bbd\"] { font-size: 33px !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24ebe54\"] { font-size: 33px !important; line-height: 1em !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24f4af0\"] { font-size: 33px !important; line-height: 1.3em !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd24fcaa3\"] { font-size: 33px !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd2502075\"] { font-size: 33px !important; line-height: 1.3em !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd2505f1f\"] { font-size: 33px !important; text-transform: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd250afe8\"] { max-width: 100%; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd250bf2c\"] { font-size: 33px !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd251b373\"] { font-size: 33px !important; text-transform: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd251f446\"] { font-size: 33px !important; line-height: 1.3em !important; text-transform: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b5605a\"] { max-width: 100%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b6a3d9\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b6da1c\"] { min-height: inherit; padding-top: 0px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b6da1c\"] > .tcb-flex-col > .tcb-col { min-height: 315px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b792a5\"] { max-width: 29%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b7ed9b\"] { background-image: url(\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Women-arguing-in-Office.png.webp\") !important; background-size: cover !important; background-position: 50% 50% !important; background-attachment: scroll !important; background-repeat: no-repeat !important; --background-image: url(\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Women-arguing-in-Office.png.webp\") !important; --background-size: cover !important; --background-position: 50% 50% !important; --background-attachment: scroll !important; --background-repeat: no-repeat !important; --tve-applied-background-image: url(\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/Women-arguing-in-Office.png.webp\") !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b8464a\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b8eb08\"] { padding-left: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9b933ee\"] { margin-bottom: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9bb21d8\"] { margin-bottom: -22px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9bd8db2\"] { background-image: url(\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/Reacting-not-Mutual-Abuse.png.webp\") !important; background-size: cover !important; background-position: 50% 50% !important; background-attachment: scroll !important; background-repeat: no-repeat !important; --background-image: url(\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/Reacting-not-Mutual-Abuse.png.webp\") !important; --background-size: cover !important; --background-position: 50% 50% !important; --background-attachment: scroll !important; --background-repeat: no-repeat !important; --tve-applied-background-image: url(\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/Reacting-not-Mutual-Abuse.png.webp\") !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9bdd410\"] { padding-left: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1894dd61e84\"] { max-width: 1200px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1894f68af4e\"] { max-width: 1160px; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c12427\"] { --g-regular-weight: 400; --g-bold-weight: 700; font-family: DINPro !important; font-weight: var(--g-bold-weight,bold) !important; font-size: 33px !important; text-transform: uppercase !important; line-height: 1.3em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c12427\"] strong { font-weight: 700 !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c33355\"] { max-width: 35%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c5e127\"] { max-width: 70.9997%; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c73442\"] { --g-regular-weight: 400; --g-bold-weight: 700; font-family: DINPro !important; font-weight: var(--g-bold-weight,bold) !important; font-size: 33px !important; text-transform: uppercase !important; line-height: 1.3em !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c73442\"] strong { font-weight: 700 !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c7e346\"] { padding-top: 0px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c8178a\"] { padding-left: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c91e47\"] { padding-top: 0px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c935f2\"] { padding-left: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-18cd9c9e58d\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1918e8f1c0f\"] { padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1918e91728d\"] { max-width: 100%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1918e936ad9\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1918e9bab49\"] { --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1918ea14c77\"] { --tcb-applied-color: rgb(155,124,59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; }}@media (max-width: 1023px){.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 10px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+3) { margin-top: 20px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+3)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-17bf426ee59\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(2n)) { margin-right: 20px !important; 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