{"id":11667,"date":"2025-11-17T11:05:01","date_gmt":"2025-11-17T19:05:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/themendproject.com\/?p=11667"},"modified":"2026-01-27T17:08:28","modified_gmt":"2026-01-28T01:08:28","slug":"playing-the-victim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/playing-the-victim\/","title":{"rendered":"Playing the Victim: How Abusers Flip the Script"},"content":{"rendered":"<p dir=\"ltr\">Abuse in relationships can take many different forms, some subtle and hidden, while others are overt. One of the most confusing and painful tactics used by abusers is <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>\u2014a manipulative strategy where they flip the script, shift blame, and make the <strong>person<\/strong> they are harming feel like they are the problem.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This tactic not only creates confusion in the moment but also profoundly impacts a survivor\u2019s ability to trust themselves and their perceptions over time. It is a powerful tool for instilling guilt and control. Understanding it is one of the first steps toward reclaiming your sense of truth and restoring peace in your <strong>life<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">In this blog, we\u2019ll explore what it looks like when an abuser is <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>, why they do it, the excuses they use, the impact this tactic has on survivors, and healthy ways to respond.<\/p>\n<h2 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: var(--tcb-color-1) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-1) !important;\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\">Introduction: When Reality Gets Flipped<\/span><\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">If you\u2019ve ever walked away from a conversation with your partner feeling more confused than when it started, you are not alone. Many survivors describe second-guessing themselves, questioning whether they are too sensitive, or wondering if they are the one at fault.<\/span><\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">Instead of being comforted or validated when they express a reasonable complaint, concern, or hurt, survivors often encounter a sharp reversal of roles. The opportunity for connection, understanding, and solutions gets twisted until they are portrayed as the aggressor. You may be an empathic person who is willing to reflect and accept responsibility when you do something harmful. Offenders, on the other hand, have different motives than survivors do. Those who cause harm have little to no tolerance for your sincere emotions. The abuser wants to WIN arguments rather than use them to stay on topic and as a tool to resolve conflicts in healthy ways.&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">You might hear phrases like:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li ltr\"\"=\"\"><em><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">\u201cYou\u2019re such a nag.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><em><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">\u201cNothing I do makes you happy.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><em><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">\u201cYou\u2019re gaslighting me.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><em><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">\u201cStop attacking me.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">Suddenly, what started as your attempt to share pain turns into their story of being wronged. This is not only manipulative\u2014it erodes your trust in yourself and erases your rightful place in the relationship.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\">Recognizing <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> as a deliberate tactic and being able to identify when it is happening is an essential step toward protecting your well-being and reclaiming clarity in your <strong>life<\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">What Playing the Victim Looks Like<\/h2>\n<p>Offenders may use different strategies when they flip the script. While the methods vary, the underlying purpose remains the same: to avoid accountability, maintain control, and destabilize the <strong>person<\/strong> they are harming. There are several common signs that can help you recognize when this tactic is being employed.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\"><strong>Denying Responsibility and the Rise of a Victim Mentality<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">A common tactic is outright denial. They might say, \u201cThat didn\u2019t happen,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re overreacting.\u201d Some even twist the very words you\u2019ve learned about abuse back on you, accusing you of \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/what-is-gaslighting-10-obvious-clues-youre-being-gaslighted\/\" target=\"_blank\">gaslighting<\/a>\u201d them.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This denial is part of <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>\u2014a way to shift attention away from what actually happened so they never have to be accountable for their behavior. Over time, this creates a strong <strong>victim mentality<\/strong>, where they continually cast themselves as the injured <strong>person<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\"><strong>Shifting the Blame Through DARVO<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Other times, they may use <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-offender\/\" target=\"_blank\">DARVO<\/a>\u2014Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. They blow things you said or didn\u2019t say out of proportion, they minimize your concerns, or spin the issue until you are told that you are the cause of the problem.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Blame-shifting is designed to leave you feeling guilty while they walk away without being held accountable. Often, DARVO is disguised as they present themselves as misunderstood or unappreciated. They may <strong>complain<\/strong> about how hard their <strong>life<\/strong> is or bring up their past trauma, using their struggles to avoid accountability.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Reversing Roles, Leading You to Feel You&#8217;re to Blame<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Another painful tactic is role reversal. They may insist, \u201cI\u2019m the real victim here,\u201d or even call you the abusive one when you begin to set healthy boundaries.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Some abusers get stuck in victim syndrome, thinking they are constant victims of circumstances. This may have served them well over the years, not only avoiding self-reflection but also providing the secondary benefit of receiving sympathy from others.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">This form of <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> is particularly damaging because it paints the survivor as the offender and erases the truth of the harm being done. It can make you feel as though nothing you say or do will ever be enough to shift the narrative back to reality.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Inflicting Guilt<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers may also use guilt as a weapon. Perhaps you\u2019re made to feel guilty for sharing your time with friends, keeping close ties with family, or spending money on necessities.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Meanwhile, they may spend freely on themselves without any sense of being accountable for their actions. They may even tell you that you are \u201ctoo demanding\u201d or \u201ctoo critical,\u201d turning your natural needs into evidence of their supposed suffering.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Using Past Hardships<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Some abusers explain their harmful behavior by pointing to their past hardships or trauma, hoping to draw on your sympathy. While trauma can absolutely impact coping skills, it never excuses abuse.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Instead of choosing to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> and seek healing, they lean on old wounds as justification for harmful actions. Survivors need to know that this is yet another version of <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>, often reinforced by a <strong>negative attitude<\/strong> that insists the world or you are against them.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Covert Tactics<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Not all abuse is obvious. In fact, most abusers rely on <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/examples-of-covert-emotional-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">covert emotional abuse<\/a>. Coercive control, subtle intimidation, and manipulative behaviors often lurk beneath the surface.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Understanding covert abuse is critical. It shines light on how <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> and refusing to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> become tools of emotional control, leaving the other person feeling stuck and doubting their own <strong>life<\/strong> choices or worth.<\/p>\n<h2 dir=\"ltr\">Why Do Abusers Play the Victim?<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The underlying motives behind&nbsp;<strong>playing the victim<\/strong> are consistent, even if the tactics look different.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Avoid Accountability<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers <strong>play the victim<\/strong> to escape responsibility. By shifting the blame, they avoid having to change or <strong>be accountable<\/strong> for the pain they cause. They also experience a secondary gain by garnering sympathetic attention.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Create Confusion<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Confusion is one of their strongest tools. If they can make arguments so chaotic you can\u2019t even recall what started them, they succeed in keeping you destabilized. Survivors describe feeling like no matter how much they explain, the other <strong>person<\/strong> will turn it against them.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Control the Narrative<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Flipping the script keeps the focus on your supposed flaws or the &#8220;bad things&#8221; you do, rather than on their harmful actions. The more you feel the need to defend yourself, the less you\u2019ll be dealing with what&#8217;s actually happening.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Controlling the narrative can cause exponential harm when the abuser successfully uses the victim card and receives sympathy from family, friends, or a co-worker. In contrast, the actual victim is portrayed in a bad light, slandered, or scapegoated.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Manipulate Empathy<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Perhaps the most insidious reason is their exploitation of empathy. Survivors often show deep compassion, willingness to self-reflect, and a readiness to apologize.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers see this quality and use it as leverage. They instinctively know you are more likely to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong>. At the same time, they adopt a victim mentality. They may <strong>complain<\/strong> about how difficult their <strong>life<\/strong> is, how difficult you are, hoping you will feel for them and prioritize their feelings while ignoring yours, further pulling you into their distorted narrative.<\/p>\n<h2 dir=\"ltr\">Common Excuses Abusers Use<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Victim behavior<\/strong>, or <strong>victim mentality<\/strong>, where the abuser sees themself as the victim of circumstances or your choices. <strong>Playing the victim<\/strong> is often reinforced with a set of predictable excuses. You may have heard some of these yourself:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><em>\u201cIt&#8217;s not my fault, you made me do it.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><em>\u201cIt wasn\u2019t that bad.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><em>\u201cI was drunk or high.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><em>\u201cYou provoked me; it\u2019s your fault.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><em>\u201cI had a rough childhood.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><em>&#8220;You always dwell on the bad things I do.&#8221;<\/em><\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\">\n<p dir=\"ltr\"><em>\u201cYou talk about your feelings, but what about mine?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Each of these statements avoids the central issue: the abuser refuses to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> for their actions. They frame themselves as the injured <strong>person<\/strong> while casting blame outward.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">But here is the truth: abuse is a choice. Difficult circumstances may explain poor coping skills, but they do not excuse harming another person or not making valiant efforts to change.<\/p>\n<h2 dir=\"ltr\">The Impact on Survivors<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">The harm caused by offenders <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> extends far beyond the arguments themselves. Survivors can begin to experience learned helplessness, feeling unable to change their situation, and a sense of hopelessness and despair.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">How a Victim Mentality in an Abuser Affects the Survivor<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">When someone has a habit of <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>, their <strong>victim mentality<\/strong> can confuse and exhaust you. Survivors may begin to absorb misplaced blame and carry emotional weight that does not belong to them, leaving them feeling drained in every area of <strong>life<\/strong>. It may appear as though the victim is having trouble coping with their mental health, when in reality the abuser has twisted what is happening, preventing the victim from receiving the validation and support they need and deserve.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">The Role of Self-Pity in Emotional Manipulation<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers who rely on <strong>self-pity<\/strong> often succeed in silencing your concerns. You may stop speaking up to avoid conflict, especially when they continually <strong>complain<\/strong> about their own hardships or when your hurts are consistently ignored and conversations rarely, if ever, lead to solutions. This increases feelings of isolation in the person being harmed and increases the power imbalance between the two people in the relationship.<\/p>\n<h3 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\">Why Survivors Start to Feel Powerless<\/h3>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Over time, repeated blame-shifting and manipulation cause survivors to <strong>feel powerless<\/strong>. Being with a <strong>person<\/strong> who refuses to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> makes it difficult to see hope for your <strong>life<\/strong>. This erosion of self-worth can leave you doubting your perceptions and struggling to see a way forward. The one being harmed is more likely to then feel that something is intrinsically wrong within them, or that they are an unlovable person. The combination of both people blaming the victim is a distorted viewpoint on the part of each person in the relationship. The victim, in essence, is gaslighting themselves, or said another way, experiencing cognitive dissonance. This is where the victim fails to perceive the dynamics of the relationship accurately. This is one reason why we say at The MEND Project that clarity is the first necessary step to healing. Without having a clear vision of what is actually occurring, one cannot make decisions based on reality. They will often remain stuck in a cycle of self-blame, exhausting themselves through countless failed attempts to fix what is wrong within themselves or their relationship.&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2 dir=\"ltr\">How Your Response Can Help to Stop Playing With Your Mind<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">While you cannot control the offender\u2019s behavior, nor their choice to adopt a victim mentality, you can take steps to protect your emotional and physical well-being.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Recognize Manipulation<\/strong> \u2013 Trust yourself. Recognizing when <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> is happening. Your internal thoughts are likely distorted; therefore, self-trust and intuitive or gut feelings are more difficult to discern. Listen to your body. Your body can feel you are experiencing injustice before your mind.<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Validate Yourself<\/strong> \u2013 You are not responsible for their behavior, even if they continue to <strong>complain<\/strong> or blame you. Nothing you say or do can change the other person. It takes two people to make a relationship work and only one person to harm it. Educate yourself about emotional abuse and allow the words you read to provide you with the validation you desperately need and deserve.<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Set Boundaries<\/strong> \u2013 Boundaries prevent endless cycles of blame and guilt. Listen to our workshop\/webinar on boundaries, or read a book on the topic. You need to overcome your fears surrounding setting boundaries and begin by taking baby steps to build your strength.<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Choose to Disengage<\/strong> \u2013 Walking away is strength, not weakness. Stop bringing your feelings and vulnerabilities to the unsafe partner, expecting they will soothe your hurts. Confide in a trusted friend or therapist for your emotional needs. You may or may not choose to walk away from the relationship, but if you can learn to walk away from a toxic conversation, it\u2019s a powerful first step.<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Seek Help<\/strong> \u2013 You need and deserve to have support from someone who can help you restore truth, health, and balance in your life. Take our course Finding Clarity and Healing in Difficult, Confusing, or Abusive Relationships, and then join an online support group where you will learn, be understood, and supported.<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Practice Self-Care<\/strong> \u2013 Find ways to nurture your health and well-being. Do things that used to bring you joy, or find new activities like an exercise or art class. Activities where you can be physical or creative produce endorphins to counteract the stress hormones surging through your body.<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Build Self-Love<\/strong> \u2013 Cultivate positive truths about who you really are and a compassionate, accepting attitude towards yourself. This may require internal work with a therapist to change your internal thoughts about yourself. You get ONE beautiful life.<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Consider Legal Protections<\/strong> \u2013 Especially important when someone refuses to take responsibility and continues <strong>to play the victim<\/strong>. You need to understand that offenders will say and do just about anything to make you at fault. Seek advice from a qualified attorney who understands narcissistic abuse. Reach out to a domestic violence agency regarding adequately planning for an exit in the event you make that decision. Don\u2019t share what you\u2019re thinking or doing with your partner.&nbsp;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 dir=\"ltr\">Why Recognizing Abuse Matters For Your Mental Health<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Understanding these dynamics is powerful because it allows you to see things accurately. A clear mind is often considered a sign of a healthy mind.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Empowerment<\/strong> \u2013 Awareness helps you discover your sense of self and stand firm in truth, even when someone is <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> or taking on a <strong>victim mentality<\/strong>.<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Protection<\/strong> \u2013 Recognizing patterns, such as constant blame or excuses, equips you to prepare safe and healthy responses. The more you understand the offender\u2019s common tactics, the less you will feel blindsided when they occur.<\/li>\n<li dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Healing<\/strong> \u2013 At The MEND Project, we often say: <em>clarity is the first necessary step to healing<\/em>. Being able to accurately name these dynamics gives you the strength to begin taking back your <strong>life<\/strong>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 dir=\"ltr\">Conclusion<\/h2>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers who <strong>play the victim<\/strong>, adopting a <strong>victim mentality<\/strong>, are engaging in one of the most confusing forms of manipulation. They aim to disorient you, erode your confidence, and keep the power in their hands.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">But by learning to identify these tactics, you can begin to dismantle their impact. You can change the dance, protect yourself, reclaim a sense of reality, and take meaningful steps toward healing. Survivors are never responsible for another <strong>person\u2019s<\/strong> refusal to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> for their actions.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If you are experiencing what this article describes, please know: you are not alone. Healing begins with awareness and compassion for yourself. Each day, you can begin your story again.<\/p>\n<p dir=\"ltr\">If you haven\u2019t yet, I\u2019d highly encourage you to consider taking The MEND Project\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/find-clarity-and-healing-course\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">Finding Clarity and Healing in Difficult, Confusing, or Abusive Relationships<\/a> course. This course was created for situations just like yours and has been life-changing for many. Graduates often share that it gave them language, tools, and hope to move forward with confidence.<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"women with arms around each other\" data-id=\"2615\" width=\"439\" data-init-width=\"500\" height=\"486\" data-init-height=\"554\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/hug-with-changed-out-background-for-website.jpg.webp\" data-width=\"439\" data-height=\"486\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 500 \/ 554;\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>No matter where you are in your journey, you don\u2019t have to face it alone. The&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/es\/restore\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">Comunidad de Coaching Restore<\/a> is a supportive and safe space where you can remain anonymous, ask your questions, and receive honest, compassionate answers directly from Annette. We hope you\u2019ll join us!&nbsp;<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Abuse in relationships can take many different forms, some subtle and hidden, while others are overt. One of the most confusing and painful tactics used by abusers is playing the victim\u2014a manipulative strategy where they flip the script, shift blame, and make the person they are harming feel like they are the problem. This tactic [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":11847,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><p dir=\"ltr\">Abuse in relationships can take many different forms, some subtle and hidden, while others are overt. One of the most confusing and painful tactics used by abusers is <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>\u2014a manipulative strategy where they flip the script, shift blame, and make the <strong>person<\/strong> they are harming feel like they are the problem.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This tactic not only creates confusion in the moment but also profoundly impacts a survivor\u2019s ability to trust themselves and their perceptions over time. It is a powerful tool for instilling guilt and control. Understanding it is one of the first steps toward reclaiming your sense of truth and restoring peace in your <strong>life<\/strong>.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">In this blog, we\u2019ll explore what it looks like when an abuser is <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>, why they do it, the excuses they use, the impact this tactic has on survivors, and healthy ways to respond.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"color: var(--tcb-color-1) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-1) !important;\" class=\"\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important; color: rgb(155, 124, 59) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f66fe9\">Introduction: When Reality Gets Flipped<\/span><\/h2><p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45075\">If you\u2019ve ever walked away from a conversation with your partner feeling more confused than when it started, you are not alone. Many survivors describe second-guessing themselves, questioning whether they are too sensitive, or wondering if they are the one at fault.<\/span><\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45077\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45078\">Instead of being comforted or validated when they express a reasonable complaint, concern, or hurt, survivors often encounter a sharp reversal of roles. The opportunity for connection, understanding, and solutions gets twisted until they are portrayed as the aggressor. You may be an empathic person who is willing to reflect and accept responsibility when you do something harmful. Offenders, on the other hand, have different motives than survivors do. Those who cause harm have little to no tolerance for your sincere emotions. The abuser wants to WIN arguments rather than use them to stay on topic and as a tool to resolve conflicts in healthy ways.&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45079\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f4507a\">You might hear phrases like:<\/span><\/span><\/p><ul class=\"\"><li class=\" dir=\" ltr\"\"=\"\"><em><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f4507b\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f4507c\">\u201cYou\u2019re such a nag.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/li><li dir=\"ltr\"><em><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f4507d\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f4507e\">\u201cNothing I do makes you happy.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/li><li dir=\"ltr\"><em><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45080\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45081\">\u201cYou\u2019re gaslighting me.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/li><li dir=\"ltr\"><em><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45082\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45084\">\u201cStop attacking me.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/li><\/ul><p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45085\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45086\">Suddenly, what started as your attempt to share pain turns into their story of being wronged. This is not only manipulative\u2014it erodes your trust in yourself and erases your rightful place in the relationship.<\/span><\/span><\/p><p dir=\"ltr\"><span style=\"--tcb-applied-color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important; color: rgb(0, 0, 0) !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f45087\">Recognizing <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> as a deliberate tactic and being able to identify when it is happening is an essential step toward protecting your well-being and reclaiming clarity in your <strong>life<\/strong>.<\/span><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\">\t<h2 dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74f56817\" class=\"\">What Playing the Victim Looks Like<\/h2>Offenders may use different strategies when they flip the script. While the methods vary, the underlying purpose remains the same: to avoid accountability, maintain control, and destabilize the <strong class=\"\">person<\/strong> they are harming. There are several common signs that can help you recognize when this tactic is being employed.<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a930f6abd\"><br><strong>Denying Responsibility and the Rise of a Victim Mentality<\/strong><\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">A common tactic is outright denial. They might say, \u201cThat didn\u2019t happen,\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re overreacting.\u201d Some even twist the very words you\u2019ve learned about abuse back on you, accusing you of \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/what-is-gaslighting-10-obvious-clues-youre-being-gaslighted\/\" target=\"_blank\">gaslighting<\/a>\u201d them.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This denial is part of <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>\u2014a way to shift attention away from what actually happened so they never have to be accountable for their behavior. Over time, this creates a strong <strong>victim mentality<\/strong>, where they continually cast themselves as the injured <strong>person<\/strong>.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a930fad50\"><strong>Shifting the Blame Through DARVO<\/strong><\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Other times, they may use <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-offender\/\" target=\"_blank\">DARVO<\/a>\u2014Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. They blow things you said or didn\u2019t say out of proportion, they minimize your concerns, or spin the issue until you are told that you are the cause of the problem.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Blame-shifting is designed to leave you feeling guilty while they walk away without being held accountable. Often, DARVO is disguised as they present themselves as misunderstood or unappreciated. They may <strong>complain<\/strong> about how hard their <strong>life<\/strong> is or bring up their past trauma, using their struggles to avoid accountability.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a930fe217\">Reversing Roles, Leading You to Feel You're to Blame<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Another painful tactic is role reversal. They may insist, \u201cI\u2019m the real victim here,\u201d or even call you the abusive one when you begin to set healthy boundaries.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Some abusers get stuck in victim syndrome, thinking they are constant victims of circumstances. This may have served them well over the years, not only avoiding self-reflection but also providing the secondary benefit of receiving sympathy from others.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">This form of <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> is particularly damaging because it paints the survivor as the offender and erases the truth of the harm being done. It can make you feel as though nothing you say or do will ever be enough to shift the narrative back to reality.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a93102a5b\">Inflicting Guilt<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers may also use guilt as a weapon. Perhaps you\u2019re made to feel guilty for sharing your time with friends, keeping close ties with family, or spending money on necessities.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Meanwhile, they may spend freely on themselves without any sense of being accountable for their actions. They may even tell you that you are \u201ctoo demanding\u201d or \u201ctoo critical,\u201d turning your natural needs into evidence of their supposed suffering.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a93106420\">Using Past Hardships<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Some abusers explain their harmful behavior by pointing to their past hardships or trauma, hoping to draw on your sympathy. While trauma can absolutely impact coping skills, it never excuses abuse.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Instead of choosing to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> and seek healing, they lean on old wounds as justification for harmful actions. Survivors need to know that this is yet another version of <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>, often reinforced by a <strong>negative attitude<\/strong> that insists the world or you are against them.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a93108eae\">Covert Tactics<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Not all abuse is obvious. In fact, most abusers rely on <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/examples-of-covert-emotional-abuse\/\" target=\"_blank\">covert emotional abuse<\/a>. Coercive control, subtle intimidation, and manipulative behaviors often lurk beneath the surface.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a74fb0f45\" style=\"\">Understanding covert abuse is critical. It shines light on how <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> and refusing to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> become tools of emotional control, leaving the other person feeling stuck and doubting their own <strong>life<\/strong> choices or worth.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\">Why Do Abusers Play the Victim?<\/h2><p dir=\"ltr\">The underlying motives behind&nbsp;<strong>playing the victim<\/strong> are consistent, even if the tactics look different.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a9310c622\">Avoid Accountability<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers <strong>play the victim<\/strong> to escape responsibility. By shifting the blame, they avoid having to change or <strong>be accountable<\/strong> for the pain they cause. They also experience a secondary gain by garnering sympathetic attention.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a9311156b\">Create Confusion<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Confusion is one of their strongest tools. If they can make arguments so chaotic you can\u2019t even recall what started them, they succeed in keeping you destabilized. Survivors describe feeling like no matter how much they explain, the other <strong>person<\/strong> will turn it against them.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a93114e41\">Control the Narrative<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Flipping the script keeps the focus on your supposed flaws or the \"bad things\" you do, rather than on their harmful actions. The more you feel the need to defend yourself, the less you\u2019ll be dealing with what's actually happening.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Controlling the narrative can cause exponential harm when the abuser successfully uses the victim card and receives sympathy from family, friends, or a co-worker. In contrast, the actual victim is portrayed in a bad light, slandered, or scapegoated.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a93118937\">Manipulate Empathy<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Perhaps the most insidious reason is their exploitation of empathy. Survivors often show deep compassion, willingness to self-reflect, and a readiness to apologize.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers see this quality and use it as leverage. They instinctively know you are more likely to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong>. At the same time, they adopt a victim mentality. They may <strong>complain<\/strong> about how difficult their <strong>life<\/strong> is, how difficult you are, hoping you will feel for them and prioritize their feelings while ignoring yours, further pulling you into their distorted narrative.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\">Common Excuses Abusers Use<\/h2><p dir=\"ltr\"><strong>Victim behavior<\/strong>, or <strong>victim mentality<\/strong>, where the abuser sees themself as the victim of circumstances or your choices. <strong>Playing the victim<\/strong> is often reinforced with a set of predictable excuses. You may have heard some of these yourself:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><em>\u201cIt's not my fault, you made me do it.\u201d<\/em><\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><em>\u201cIt wasn\u2019t that bad.\u201d<\/em><\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><em>\u201cI was drunk or high.\u201d<\/em><\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><em>\u201cYou provoked me; it\u2019s your fault.\u201d<\/em><\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><em>\u201cI had a rough childhood.\u201d<\/em><\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><em>\"You always dwell on the bad things I do.\"<\/em><\/li><li dir=\"ltr\"><p dir=\"ltr\"><em>\u201cYou talk about your feelings, but what about mine?\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/li><\/ul><p dir=\"ltr\">Each of these statements avoids the central issue: the abuser refuses to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> for their actions. They frame themselves as the injured <strong>person<\/strong> while casting blame outward.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">But here is the truth: abuse is a choice. Difficult circumstances may explain poor coping skills, but they do not excuse harming another person or not making valiant efforts to change.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\">The Impact on Survivors<\/h2><p dir=\"ltr\">The harm caused by offenders <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> extends far beyond the arguments themselves. Survivors can begin to experience learned helplessness, feeling unable to change their situation, and a sense of hopelessness and despair.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a9311befd\">How a Victim Mentality in an Abuser Affects the Survivor<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">When someone has a habit of <strong>playing the victim<\/strong>, their <strong>victim mentality<\/strong> can confuse and exhaust you. Survivors may begin to absorb misplaced blame and carry emotional weight that does not belong to them, leaving them feeling drained in every area of <strong>life<\/strong>. It may appear as though the victim is having trouble coping with their mental health, when in reality the abuser has twisted what is happening, preventing the victim from receiving the validation and support they need and deserve.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a9311f1a6\">The Role of Self-Pity in Emotional Manipulation<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers who rely on <strong>self-pity<\/strong> often succeed in silencing your concerns. You may stop speaking up to avoid conflict, especially when they continually <strong>complain<\/strong> about their own hardships or when your hurts are consistently ignored and conversations rarely, if ever, lead to solutions. This increases feelings of isolation in the person being harmed and increases the power imbalance between the two people in the relationship.<\/p><h3 class=\"\" dir=\"ltr\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a93121dd8\">Why Survivors Start to Feel Powerless<\/h3><p dir=\"ltr\">Over time, repeated blame-shifting and manipulation cause survivors to <strong>feel powerless<\/strong>. Being with a <strong>person<\/strong> who refuses to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> makes it difficult to see hope for your <strong>life<\/strong>. This erosion of self-worth can leave you doubting your perceptions and struggling to see a way forward. The one being harmed is more likely to then feel that something is intrinsically wrong within them, or that they are an unlovable person. The combination of both people blaming the victim is a distorted viewpoint on the part of each person in the relationship. The victim, in essence, is gaslighting themselves, or said another way, experiencing cognitive dissonance. This is where the victim fails to perceive the dynamics of the relationship accurately. This is one reason why we say at The MEND Project that clarity is the first necessary step to healing. Without having a clear vision of what is actually occurring, one cannot make decisions based on reality. They will often remain stuck in a cycle of self-blame, exhausting themselves through countless failed attempts to fix what is wrong within themselves or their relationship.&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\">How Your Response Can Help to Stop Playing With Your Mind<\/h2><p dir=\"ltr\">While you cannot control the offender\u2019s behavior, nor their choice to adopt a victim mentality, you can take steps to protect your emotional and physical well-being.<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Recognize Manipulation<\/strong> \u2013 Trust yourself. Recognizing when <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> is happening. Your internal thoughts are likely distorted; therefore, self-trust and intuitive or gut feelings are more difficult to discern. Listen to your body. Your body can feel you are experiencing injustice before your mind.<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Validate Yourself<\/strong> \u2013 You are not responsible for their behavior, even if they continue to <strong>complain<\/strong> or blame you. Nothing you say or do can change the other person. It takes two people to make a relationship work and only one person to harm it. Educate yourself about emotional abuse and allow the words you read to provide you with the validation you desperately need and deserve.<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Set Boundaries<\/strong> \u2013 Boundaries prevent endless cycles of blame and guilt. Listen to our workshop\/webinar on boundaries, or read a book on the topic. You need to overcome your fears surrounding setting boundaries and begin by taking baby steps to build your strength.<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Choose to Disengage<\/strong> \u2013 Walking away is strength, not weakness. Stop bringing your feelings and vulnerabilities to the unsafe partner, expecting they will soothe your hurts. Confide in a trusted friend or therapist for your emotional needs. You may or may not choose to walk away from the relationship, but if you can learn to walk away from a toxic conversation, it\u2019s a powerful first step.<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Seek Help<\/strong> \u2013 You need and deserve to have support from someone who can help you restore truth, health, and balance in your life. Take our course Finding Clarity and Healing in Difficult, Confusing, or Abusive Relationships, and then join an online support group where you will learn, be understood, and supported.<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Practice Self-Care<\/strong> \u2013 Find ways to nurture your health and well-being. Do things that used to bring you joy, or find new activities like an exercise or art class. Activities where you can be physical or creative produce endorphins to counteract the stress hormones surging through your body.<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Build Self-Love<\/strong> \u2013 Cultivate positive truths about who you really are and a compassionate, accepting attitude towards yourself. This may require internal work with a therapist to change your internal thoughts about yourself. You get ONE beautiful life.<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Consider Legal Protections<\/strong> \u2013 Especially important when someone refuses to take responsibility and continues <strong>to play the victim<\/strong>. You need to understand that offenders will say and do just about anything to make you at fault. Seek advice from a qualified attorney who understands narcissistic abuse. Reach out to a domestic violence agency regarding adequately planning for an exit in the event you make that decision. Don\u2019t share what you\u2019re thinking or doing with your partner.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\">Why Recognizing Abuse Matters For Your Mental Health<\/h2><p dir=\"ltr\">Understanding these dynamics is powerful because it allows you to see things accurately. A clear mind is often considered a sign of a healthy mind.<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Empowerment<\/strong> \u2013 Awareness helps you discover your sense of self and stand firm in truth, even when someone is <strong>playing the victim<\/strong> or taking on a <strong>victim mentality<\/strong>.<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Protection<\/strong> \u2013 Recognizing patterns, such as constant blame or excuses, equips you to prepare safe and healthy responses. The more you understand the offender\u2019s common tactics, the less you will feel blindsided when they occur.<\/li><li dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\"><strong>Healing<\/strong> \u2013 At The MEND Project, we often say: <em>clarity is the first necessary step to healing<\/em>. Being able to accurately name these dynamics gives you the strength to begin taking back your <strong>life<\/strong>.<\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\"><h2 dir=\"ltr\" class=\"\">Conclusion<\/h2><p dir=\"ltr\">Abusers who <strong>play the victim<\/strong>, adopting a <strong>victim mentality<\/strong>, are engaging in one of the most confusing forms of manipulation. They aim to disorient you, erode your confidence, and keep the power in their hands.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">But by learning to identify these tactics, you can begin to dismantle their impact. You can change the dance, protect yourself, reclaim a sense of reality, and take meaningful steps toward healing. Survivors are never responsible for another <strong>person\u2019s<\/strong> refusal to <strong>take responsibility<\/strong> for their actions.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">If you are experiencing what this article describes, please know: you are not alone. Healing begins with awareness and compassion for yourself. Each day, you can begin your story again.<\/p><p dir=\"ltr\">If you haven\u2019t yet, I\u2019d highly encourage you to consider taking The MEND Project\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/find-clarity-and-healing-course\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">Finding Clarity and Healing in Difficult, Confusing, or Abusive Relationships<\/a> course. This course was created for situations just like yours and has been life-changing for many. Graduates often share that it gave them language, tools, and hope to move forward with confidence.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-divider\" data-style-d=\"tve_sep-1\" data-thickness-d=\"3\" data-color-d=\"rgb(201, 166, 84)\" data-gradient-d=\"linear-gradient(90deg, rgb(66, 66, 66) 0%, rgb(0, 0, 0) 100%)\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a750e8ae1\">\n\t<hr class=\"tve_sep tve_sep-1\" style=\"\">\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 1080;\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--2\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a750ba15a\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a750963dd\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image wp-image-2615\" data-id=\"2615\" data-init-width=\"500\" data-init-height=\"554\" title=\"hug-with-changed-out-background-for-website\" loading=\"lazy\" data-width=\"439\" data-height=\"486\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 500 \/ 554;\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"women with arms around each other\" data-id=\"2615\" width=\"439\" data-init-width=\"500\" height=\"486\" data-init-height=\"554\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/hug-with-changed-out-background-for-website.jpg.webp\" data-width=\"439\" data-height=\"486\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 500 \/ 554;\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a750c0cfb\">\t<p>No matter where you are in your journey, you don\u2019t have to face it alone. The&nbsp;<a data-css=\"tve-u-1993a4bae62\" href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/restore\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">Restore Coaching Community<\/a> is a supportive and safe space where you can remain anonymous, ask your questions, and receive honest, compassionate answers directly from Annette. We hope you\u2019ll join us!&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-button thrv-button-v2 tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-19a7509e0f4\" style=\"\">\n\t<div class=\"thrive-colors-palette-config\" style=\"display: none !important\">__CONFIG_colors_palette__{\"active_palette\":0,\"config\":{\"colors\":{\"62516\":{\"name\":\"Main Accent\",\"parent\":-1}},\"gradients\":[]},\"palettes\":[{\"name\":\"Default Palette\",\"value\":{\"colors\":{\"62516\":{\"val\":\"var(--tcb-skin-color-0)\"}},\"gradients\":[]}}]}__CONFIG_colors_palette__<\/div>\n\t<a href=\"https:\/\/staging.themendproject.com\/restore\/\" class=\"tcb-button-link tcb-plain-text\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"\">\n\t\t<span class=\"tcb-button-texts\"><span class=\"tcb-button-text thrv-inline-text\"><strong>LEARN MORE ABOUT RESTORE<\/strong><\/span><\/span>\n\t<\/a>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@media (min-width: 300px){.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-18955080c98\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(50% - 15px); 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